What Can Parents Do About Bullying?
by: Jennifer Lyon, M.Ed.
Director of Health and SEL, Lake Travis ISD
As parents, we are always striving to find ways to best support our children while helping them navigate the ever-changing world we live in. As we just wrapped up October, National Bully Prevention Month, I’d like to provide some ways you can work with your children at home to prevent them from the giving and receiving end of bullying.
First, I’d like to give the legal definition of bullying that schools use to define what direction to go in when this is reported.
Bullying is generally defined as an intentional act that causes harm to others, and may involve verbal harassment, verbal or non-verbal threats, physical assault, stalking, or other methods of coercion such as manipulation, blackmail, or extortion. It is aggressive behavior that intends to hurt, threaten or frighten another person. An imbalance of power between the aggressor and the victim is often involved.
The Texas School Safety Center has a great checklist schools often use to help guide their investigations into these matters. This is helpful for you as a parent to understand what is happening on the school end once a report is made. There are times when students are dealing with bully-like behaviors that may not actually meet the definition of bullying. Regardless of how it is labeled, it should always be addressed both at school and at home. But what can you do at home to reduce this risk in the first place? Here are some ideas…
Nurture a positive family climate or the felt sense of safety and security with family members in the home. Does home feel chaotic and crazy, or organized and predictable? Are the adults modeling the kinds of behaviors and relationships they want their children to have? Are expectations too high or too low? Do family members exert power by dominating and manipulating? Are siblings respectful and kind to each other? Researchers have found that children who experience sibling bullying and or see dominating or manipulating behaviors at home are more likely to be involved in bullying outside the home–either as the bully, an enabler, or on the receiving end of bullying behavior.
Teach interpersonal and emotional skills. When parents talk about their feelings and teach emotion management to their children, it will become normalized and easier for children to navigate peer issues and stand up for themselves and others. Encouraging supportive friendships and helping kids understand others’ perspectives also goes a long way toward teaching empathy and resilience. Helping children recognize and utilize their own strengths can help them through difficult peer situations and be a protective factor against bullying.
Use an authoritative parenting style at home. This style of parenting offers a high degree of warmth, love, and closeness, while also providing clear limits and expectations. This type of parenting supports mental health, stronger relationship skills and higher achievement.
Talk early and often, say something when you see something! When adults remain silent about bad behavior or bullying, it’s the same as encouraging and accepting it. Name calling and small acts of teasing should be stopped in their tracks. If you fail to correct this kind of behavior it can easily grow into more aggressive acts.
Teach your child how to be assertive, not aggressive. Encouraging your child to clearly express their feelings, and how to say no, will help them feel empowered to stand up for themselves in hard situations.
Listen and support children who speak up. Don’t say “boys will be boys”, or “that’s just the way mean girls are”. Listen and affirm what they say and offer support and guidance. Pay attention to the mental health needs of your child as well, as isolation, poor concentration, depression and sleeping issues can affect your child’s resilience and relationship skills.
Parents and school staff all want the best for the children in our community. Let’s work together by modeling kind, respectful behavior and empathetic problem solving so our children learn what they live and see on a daily basis. This is how we end bullying behavior once and for all.
Additional Resources:
https://www.pacer.org/bullying/
https://www.nctsn.org/resources/public-awareness/national-bullying-prevention-month
