Dear Port Families,

Winter is such a festive time of year. We hope that with the cold weather and the short hours of daylight you can continue to find time for self-care and safe and enjoyable fun with your friends, family and loved ones.

Wishing you and Happy and Healthy New Year!

Warmly,

The Elementary School Counselors

Daly School: Casey Horowitz, chorowitz@portnet.org

Daly Pre-K: Jessica Shawver, jshawver@portnet.org

Guggenheim School: Arzu Alkan, aalkan@portnet.org

Manorhaven School: Barbara O’Donnell, bodonnell@portnet.org

Salem School: Gina Kelly, gkelly@portnet.org

Sousa School: Jen Biblowitz, jbiblowitz@portnet.org

District Director of Guidance: Lorrie Director, ldirector@portnet.org

Go on a Bike Ride

Take the whole family on a bike ride, either through the neighborhood or a park or on a trail. Bike riding is not only good exercise, but it's also a fun activity to do together.

Hold a Movie Night

Make some popcorn and pick out a good family movie on Netflix! Movie nights are perfect for a relaxing night in the house, and cuddling up on the couch is more comfy than sitting in the theater.

Put On a 'Live Show'

The kids will absolutely adore this challenge. Have each family member work on a talent and host a family talent show. Parents can surprise kids with their secret abilities (anyone know that mom could peel a whole apple in one long curl?) and encourage the kids to try something new, like a magic trick!

Camp in the Backyard

Camping doesn't have to be done far from home. In fact, it can be done at home! Pitch a tent in the backyard and sleep under the stars. The kids will love it.

Read Books Together

No need to go to the local library or a bookstore — simply check the shelves at home and set up a cozy nook to read in. Flip through books, read a story together, and just enjoy the environment. Don't be shy about adding toys, puzzles, computers, and/or activities for kids — this way everyone can feel included.

Hold a Game Night

Gather up everyone's favorite board games and make an evening out of it. Consider switching up the usual repertoire and teaching the kids a game they've never played before.

Dance Around the House

Blast some music and have a dance party! Better yet, make a staycation playlist and have each family member add their favorite songs to it. This is a simple idea that always ends up being a ton of fun.

Take a Nap

Vacations were meant for extra sleep! If the kids are young enough and willing to have some afternoon quiet time, then take advantage of it and get some rest, too.

Visit a Local Landmark

Sometimes cool landmarks and sights are right in our own city, but we don't take the time to go see them. After all, we're locals! A fun family activity can be exploring a nearby historical building, learning about a cool bridge, or checking out a nearby monument. There's nothing wrong with being tourists in our own towns.

Go to a Virtual Art Museum

Why not expose the kids to some art? Most of them love creating it, so this could inspire some future masterpieces. There are plenty of museums with exhibits or activities online made for families and kids, so look up fun options close to home and plan a visit.

Have a Sports Tournament

If the family is into basketball, football, soccer, or pretty much any sport, then get outside and have a tournament! Boys vs. girls? Parents vs. kids? Winners get to choose the restaurant for dinner!

Make Lemonade or Smoothies

Have the kids help make some fun drinks like fresh lemonade or fruit smoothies. Look up creative recipes on Pinterest for ways to make the drinks more colorful, fun, and tasty!

Make S'mores

Start a fire in the backyard, roast some marshmallows, and make s'mores. That sounds fun and delicious!

Stargaze

If there's a particularly clear night, then relax and look at the stars! Try to spot some constellations. If the family is really into stargazing, then use a telescope for a closer look!

Do Yoga

Yoga is a fun way to relax and exercise. Go to a yoga studio for some professional assistance or do it from the comfort of the living room.

Set Up a Photo Shoot

Gather up some cute sunglasses and scarves or other props, and have a little at-home photo shoot! Take some Polaroid pictures or use a cellphone or digital camera. Of course digital pictures can be posted to social media, but make it a point after the shoot to go print them out and frame and hang them somewhere in the house.

Attend a Virtual Kid-Friendly Art Class

Check local recreation centers or painting studios for family art classes offered online. If there aren't any, then just grab some art supplies and paint some pictures together. Drawing, clay molding, or just grabbing a coloring book are also fun ideas!

Go for a Drive

Sometimes cruising can be cool. Block some time and just get lost with the family — there is so much to explore locally. Families may discover a whole new town to explore close by or find a great new place to hike or picnic which can happily turn into another adventure.

Do a Science Experiment

There are tons of kid-friendly science experiments to try at home. Try simple ones like a tornado in a bottle or the ever-popular slime!

Help Out a Local Charity

Community service can be a really rewarding way to spend some vacation time together, so look up some charities that are looking for volunteers of all ages. Charity work gives kids a valuable lesson in giving back.

Go to a Petting Zoo

Most kids love touching, feeding, and interacting with animals. Petting zoos and petting farms can be fun places to teach younger kids about caring for animals.

Have a Home Spa Day

Looking for some relaxation at home during a staycation? Make it a spa day! Do some face masks complete with sliced cucumbers for the eyes, give each other mani pedis, and just lounge around.

Have a Scavenger Hunt

Make the kids a scavenger hunt that takes them searching for items around the house, yard, and/or neighborhood! They'll have a blast following clues and searching for things, and it's bound to keep them busy for a while.

Build a Fort

Make a good old blanket fort. Decorate it with some fairy lights or fuzzy pillows and climb in with the kids and read a story together.

Do Some Crafting

Have a whole Pinterest board full of DIY projects? Find one that the kids can do and work on it together. It could be something as simple as making cards for each other or more advanced, like repurposing old kids' clothes into doll clothes.

Go to a Virtual Aquarium

If aquatic animals have the kids' interest (and usually they do — who doesn't love watching sharks and penguins?!), then visit a local aquarium online. It's a fun way to learn and explore without having to go too far. Plus, this outing works well even on a rainy day.

Decorate Cookies

Bake some cookies (or buy some at the store) and have a decorating party. Deck the cookies out with frosting, sprinkles, and candies of each kid's choice. Cupcakes work too. It's an activity that is both fun and yummy!

The Port Washington Public Library has Children's Programs during the winter break. Click the link for more information: https://pwpl.org/children/childrens-programs/

When children are chronically anxious, even the most well-meaning parents, not wanting a child to suffer, can actually make the youngster’s anxiety worse. It happens when parents try to protect kids from their fears. Here are pointers for helping children escape the cycle of anxiety.

1. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease over time.

2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. Let’s say a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset and starts to cry — not to be manipulative, but just because that’s how they feel. If their parents whisk them out of there, or remove the thing they’re afraid of, the child has learned that coping mechanism. And that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

3. Express positive — but realistic — expectations.

You can’t promise a child that their fears are unrealistic—that they won’t fail a test, that they’ll have fun ice skating, or that another child won’t laugh at them during show & tell. But you can express confidence that they’re going to be okay, that they will be able to manage it. And you can let them know that as they face those fears, the anxiety level will drop over time. This gives them confidence that your expectations are realistic, and that you’re not going to ask them to do something they can’t handle.

4. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.

It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because they’re due for a shot, you don’t want to belittle those fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help them understand what they’re anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”

5. Don’t ask leading questions.

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but try not to ask leading questions— “Are you anxious about the big test? Are you worried about the science fair?” To avoid feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the science fair?”

6. Don’t reinforce the child’s fears.

What you don’t want to do is be saying, with your tone of voice or body language: “Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of.” Let’s say a child has had a negative experience with a dog. Next time they’re around a dog, you might be anxious about how they will respond, and you might unintentionally send a message that they should, indeed, be worried.

7. Encourage the child to tolerate her anxiety.

Let your child know that you appreciate the work it takes to tolerate anxiety in order to do what they want or need to do. It’s really encouraging them to engage in life and to let the anxiety take its natural curve. We call it the “habituation curve.” That means that it will drop over time as he continues to have contact with the stressor. It might not drop to zero, it might not drop as quickly as you would like, but that’s how we get over our fears.

8. Try to keep the anticipatory period short.

When we’re afraid of something, the hardest time is really before we do it. So another rule of thumb for parents is to really try to eliminate or reduce the anticipatory period. If a child is nervous about going to a doctor’s appointment, you don’t want to launch into a discussion about it two hours before you go; that’s likely to get your child more keyed up. So just try to shorten that period to a minimum.

9. Think things through with the child.

Sometimes it helps to talk through what would happen if a child’s fear came true—how would they handle it? A child who’s anxious about separating from their parents might worry about what would happen if a parent didn’t come to pick them up. So we talk about that. If your mom doesn’t come at the end of soccer practice, what would you do? “Well I would tell the coach my mom’s not here.” And what do you think the coach would do? “Well he would call my mom. Or he would wait with me.” A child who’s afraid that a stranger might be sent to pick them up can have a code word from their parents that anyone they sent would know. For some kids, having a plan can reduce the uncertainty in a healthy, effective way.

10. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety.

There are multiple ways you can help kids handle anxiety by letting them see how you cope with anxiety yourself. Kids are perceptive, and they’re going to take it in if you keep complaining on the phone to a friend that you can’t handle the stress or the anxiety. I’m not saying to pretend that you don’t have stress and anxiety, but let kids hear or see you managing it calmly, tolerating it, feeling good about getting through it.

How we respond to our thoughts and feelings during times of stress can have an enormous impact on our ability to connect with self and others in calm and uplifting ways.

From birth, our nervous systems are hardwired to protect us from threats to our wellbeing, and become activated under threat by launching the sympathetic "fight/flight/freeze" response. When we have experienced trauma or are going through a period of intense or chronic stress, our nervous systems can become more sensitive and reactive. When our nervous systems are in this state of dysregulation, it becomes much more difficult to see bright side of things, manage our emotions effectively, and interact with others in ways that are Compassionate & Kind.

The following guide provides twelve innovative, tried-and-true, and evidence-based practices for nurturing Heart-Mind Well-being in ourselves and in our relationships. These practices are useful in the calmest of times and positively essential in times of stress. Many can be shared with the young people in our lives, which can help cultivate caring and resilient adult-child relationships and support young people to build effective stress-management skills for life.

12 Practices for Connecting to Self and Others in Times of Stress

1. Return to yourself

Practice returning to your body in the face of dysregulation. Heat and cold do wonders to help unite us with our bodily sensations. Research shows that cold exposure in particular can activate the vagus nerve and lower heart rate, both of which contribute to feelings of calm.

2. Make a mind/body map

When feeling triggered, invite yourself into a space of curiosity about your inner world. Ask yourself - What is it that I am reacting to? What is it about this situation that is causing me to feel this way? What am I feeling and where is the feeling located in my body? Journal your way to clarity using a mind/body map. Children and youth can join in by making their own mind/body maps too!

3. Rethink boundaries

Healthy boundaries help us to make space for and contain the good things in life, such as positive feelings, fulfilling relationships, and meaningful experiences. Setting boundaries is especially important when our nervous systems are highly activated, which can happen due to excitement, overwhelm, or stress. While it can feel uncomfortable to set limits on the time, resources, and energy we share with others, doing so mindfully can be an act of compassion towards ourselves and those we share our lives with.

4. Step back from people pleasing

Often, in our attempts to please others we try to manage their emotions so that we don’t feel uncomfortable. Notice when the urge to people please spikes – this can be an indication that our own inner world could use some TLC (such as in steps 1-3 above). Practice perspective-taking too.

5. Create freely

The creative process can be so nourishing and restorative when it is approached without expectations or judgement. Invite yourself to create something for the joy of being present in the process of creating. Model this for the children in your life and invite them to join you. We often place so much pressure on ourselves to create in a certain way, and providing ourselves and our children permission to create for the fun of it can help our nervous systems settle into the activity without the threat of making mistakes (which can be triggering when we are in a less than regulated state).

6. Be kind in conflict

When our nervous systems are dysregulated, we are more likely to lash out at others and react in less mindful ways. While it may be unrealistic to try to prevent all conflict when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, tuning into your capacity for engaging in conflict and postponing difficult conversations is one strategy for compassionate conflict management. Postponing is different than avoiding, as it involves a commitment to returning to the conversation when you are more resourced and in a better state to listen and respond with intention. Managing conflict with kindness in this way can help us build stronger and more resilient relationships with the people we care about.

7. Rest

Rest your body and your mind. Remind yourself that rest is a necessity, not a luxury. To be truly restorative, rest means doing nothing – which is the most productive thing you can do to recalibrate and balance your nervous system. Soak in Epsom salts. Lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. Sit in your car for 5 minutes before coming in the house. Sip a cup of tea and daydream. Give your body and mind a break from the constant demands of everyday life. Then repeat - to reap its full restorative benefits, make rest a part of your routine, several times a day, forever.

8. Tune into your smoke alarm

Our thoughts are our nervous system’s smoke alarm, and exist to warn us of something feeling “not right” within. When our nervous systems are in a state of dysregulation, such as when we experience trauma, stress, or an activated fight/flight/freeze response, all manner of upsetting thoughts can bubble up from the depths of our subconscious. Under these conditions, our smoke alarms become more sensitive and reactive. Acknowledge upsetting thoughts as an indicator that some nervous system maintenance is in order, and schedule it for sooner rather than later (the other items in this list are a great place to start).

9. Do one thing at a time

Multitasking is a myth – albeit a persistent and alluring one. When stress builds up in the nervous system, the urge to try to do everything at once often intensifies (fight response). At the same time, even the smallest, simplest tasks can feel overwhelming, often leading to decision paralysis (freeze response) and procrastination (flight response). Carve a calm path through the overwhelm by doing one thing at a time with vision and intention.

10. Make peace with your pain

Stressful times can trigger unresolved trauma and bring past painful experiences to the forefront of our bodies and minds. Make peace with your pain by accepting that it exists – just as it is - in this moment, without trying to make it go away. Try a self-calming technique like havening to soothe your way through the pain.

11. Express care often

Expressing care for others is the foundation of close relationships, especially those with children and youth. It includes being dependable, paying close attention when the other person is speaking, believing in each other, being warm towards each other, and encouraging each other. Building relationships with our children that are grounded in these principles nurtures Secure & Calm in both adult and child and fosters mutual love, compassion, and empathy.

12. Keep showing up

Showing up means being Alert & Engaged in body and mind even when uncomfortable feelings or distressing thoughts arise. Notice that even if you don’t get everything done, if you say the wrong things or burn the pie or get stuck in the snow, your awareness keeps showing up to the party. When things feel overwhelming and the nervous system becomes dysregulated, this is the goal. Alert & Engaged is your foot in the door. If you’re here and aware, the hard work of noticing and being present is already done, and you’re already on your way to feeling calmer and more at ease.