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Accepting Defeat or Loss

Boys Town Skill of the Week

AcceptingDefeat or LossBoys Town Skill of the Week

Accepting Defeat or Loss

As we all know, defeat is difficult to accept sometimes. It is disappointing and frustrating to work hard and come up short. Sadly, too many students express their disappointment by making excuses, arguing, giving guff, or being dismissive and disrespectful to the winners, officials, and opposing fans. All of these behaviors have a negative impact on a learning community's social environment.
How To Lose At Games Without Getting Mad: A Social Story
Being A Bad Sport - Read Along book with word highlighting by Smart Kidz Club
Winning and Losing | Original Songs | By LBB Junior
Why I teach my children to fail | Jim Harshaw | TEDxCharlottesville
Good Sportsmanship Code
Youth Sportsmanship Video

Planned Teaching

Introduce the Skill


  • Ask students if they have ever witnessed a team, player, coach, or fan react inappropriately to a defeat or loss. Have students describe the situations and how it make them feel.
  • Ask students to describe any times when they saw a team, player, coach, or fan accept a loss with grace and sportsmanship. Discuss the behaviors they saw and words they heard.
  • Have students brainstorm reasons why it is important to know how to accept defeat or loss.

Describe the Appropriate Behavior



  1. Look at the person or members of the team who won (don't glare, sneer, or stare down the winners)
  2. Remain calm and positive (don't pout or yell in anger)
  3. Say "good game" or "congratulations" (use a pleasant voice tone; avoid sounding insincere or sarcastic)
  4. Reward yourself for trying your hardest (do something fun with friends or family to celebrate)

Give a Reason or Rationale



  • Losing can be difficult to accept, but everyone experiences defeat in life. How you respond to a loss or setback is what really matters. Real "winners" are those who can be gracious in defeat and carry on.
  • You don't allow yourself to wallow in bitterness or sadness
  • You show maturity and resiliency
  • Others will want to compete against you because they know you won't get angry or jealous if things don't go your way
  • You contribute to your school's or team's reputations of good sportsmanship
  • You show respect to winners, players, coaches, and fans
  • You help foster a healthy environment for competition
  • You set a good example for younger athletes

Practice the Skill


  • Teach and reinforce the skill in the context of playing a game. Before the game, review the skill steps as well as the skill steps of "Accepting Winning Appropriately". Praise students when they display good sportsmanship.
  • Quote of the day - discuss the meaning of various quotes on sportsmanship - the youth sportsmanship video gives several examples.

Role Plays

  • Your soccer team was behind by one goal when the recess bell rang and your team lost. Following the steps of the skill, show how you would be respectful to the winning team as you all walk back to class.
  • For the second year in a row, you are the runner up in the school spelling bee. Show how you would congratulate the winner and accept defeat.
  • Your basketball team loses at the buzzer, denying your team a trip to the state tournament. Describe behaviors that show poor sportsmanship and are inappropriate after a defeat, and then show how you would congratulate the winning team.
  • You are competing against your bitter rival in a track meet. As you are about to cross the finish line in first place, you trip on your shoelace and fall down. Your rival passes your, wins the race, and celebrates wildly. Show how you would be a good sport after experiencing such a heartbreaking defeat.

Journaling

  • How does losing make you feel?
  • When is it hard for you to accept a defeat or loss, and why? What positive thing can you do to deal with your disappointment?
  • Why is it important to know how to accept a defeat or loss?
  • What can you say or do to show good sportsmanship after a loss?
  • How can the skill of "Accepting Defeat or Loss" help you at school?
  • How can the skill of "Accepting Defeat or Loss" help your team?


Feedback

  • Be sure to frontload students with the expectations before a game or competition
  • Praise specific steps followed and give feedback on areas of improvement. Let students know you will be watching in order to "catch them" using the skill
  • Continue to praise and re-teach as needed