I wanted to take this final opportunity to thank you all for your support of me, of our school, our staff, and of our students over the past three years. When I came to the Stamford School three years ago, it looked quite different. There were many staff vacancies, and there was a sense of pessimism in the air. There were many reports of resentment between staff, students, and parents. In the three short years I have been here, I feel that together, we have been able to affect a lot of change. Most of the staff has changed, we have a new math curriculum, two new math support programs (ST Math and Math Exemplars), a new Guidance curriculum, increased classroom libraries, expanded preschool opportunities by separating preK from Kindergarten allowing more 3 and 4 year olds spaces in our preschool program, and giving kindergarten dedicated time to develop as readers and budding mathematicians. We added the WINGS AfterSchool Program Pilot program in 2023-24, and added the full grant program beginning in 24-25. We now have a cafeteria where students with allergies are accommodated. We’ve improved our Multi-Tiered Systems of Supports for students. We’ve put a confidential grant request system in place to ensure all students can access materials or services regardless of the costs or their family’s ability to pay. We’ve expanded field trips and guest artist opportunities. Overall, the climate and culture of the school has become more positive, and the general outlook of students, staff and parents is more optimistic.
In a recent conversation with a parent, when she learned about my new position, she said “oh, well it is closer to home, that makes sense,” as if that alone explains away my decision to leave the Stamford School. And that is the easy answer, the convenient answer, the safe answer. But it isn’t the whole answer, or the completely true answer, for I knew the distance from my home when I accepted the position three years ago, and I knew it would take me almost an hour to commute each way. I actually enjoyed the ride through the beautiful Vermont countryside, and my friends and family appreciated living vicariously through me and the many photos I would post for them online that I would take on my commute: sunrises, grazing cows, covered bridges, wild turkeys, pastured horses, and evening sunsets. Something happened, especially over the past year, however, that changed the nature of those commutes to make them more wearisome. There was a burden that I was now carrying with me to and fro, back and forth on that long commute, that weighed me down.
I adore your kids, and enjoyed getting to know each of them as individuals, and seeing each and every one of them each day. I enjoyed the staff that I had cultivated over the time I had been there (I had hired about 80% of them myself!). Most of the parents were supportive and respectful, and the board and WSWSU Central Office had been supportive and helpful. However, there was a component of the Stamford community that had been prejudiced against me from the beginning, and whose prejudice had only grown over time, and who were not interested in talking to me, hearing from me, or collaborating with me.
I don’t often use the word “prejudice” but in this case I really do think it is one of the most appropriate instances to use the term because people made assumptions about me based on who I am and interpreted things based solely on one aspect of my life to fit their perspective.
Ever since I arrived, they were so convinced of this new principal’s “gay agenda” for “indoctrination” that everything seemed to be evidence to support that narrative. When the Town Report didn’t list my degrees and experience but it lists the teachers’ degrees and experience, they assumed it must be because I have none and I’m only there to convert and indoctrinate (they didn’t realize that At-Will and Contractual employees’ degrees and years of experience are not listed, only those members of the Teachers’ Union are -- by the way I have over 20 years of experience working in public education, have a Bachelors Degree and two Masters Degrees, was a licensed teacher, School Building and District Leader in New York, and a Licensed Principal in Vermont). When they discovered we had non-gendered, single user bathrooms instead of "boys' bathrooms" and "girls' bathrooms," they assumed it was part of the new principal’s agenda to “convert kids to be trans” (not realizing that the bathrooms had been converted two principals ago, and that there are many benefits to single user bathrooms in schools, not the least of which is complying with Vermont Act 127). When there was a rumor about a young adult novel in the school about a student who challenges their school’s gender-based dress code, they assumed it was part of the new principal’s agenda and contacted to superintendent and Agency of Education (never asking the principal himself, who had never heard of this book before then, and when investigated, learned that we do not have a single copy of the book in the school or Town Library, though we would not be opposed to it even if we did have one).
However, it was the 7th & 8th grade guidance class trip to Montpelier for the OutRight Vermont Leadership Day that coalesced the prejudice, anger, and hatred within the community. For although the topic for study came from the students themselves and was shepherded through the guidance counselor, and the culminating trip was approved by the board, and the students who went on the trip had parent approval, and they attended with over 300 other students from elementary, middle and high schools across the state, and our students could attend or not, and could participate in any way they chose – it was seen as part of the principal’s agenda. For months afterwards, the board meetings saw angry community members expressing their disappointment, sometimes in threatening and intimidating ways, causing the board to hire a sheriff to be present in order to help provide a sense of safety. These were mostly not parents of children in the school, but were mostly people whose children were older and out of school, and a handful of much younger people without children. This extended beyond the board meetings, however. On several occasions townspeople would visit the Town Office and say negative things about the school and “what’s to come” intimidatingly loud so I could overhear. When one of those young people who attended the board meetings spit in my path as I entered Bilmont’s after filling my gas tank, I initially explained it away as coincidence – until he did it again as I exited and returned to my car. When I would hold the front door open for an older couple who were coming to the Town Office and smile and say “Welcome” only to receive grimaces in return. These were the new daily occurrences that became part of being the principal of our school. Then there was a petition grievance filed with the Secretary of State about the board’s action to approve the field trip and the actions at the board meetings following that decision, which seemed clearly targeted at me. A movement began to create a Christian homeschool coalition at the community church across the street to attempt to drain the school of students and "save" students from the new principal’s indoctrination (though this never came to fruition). The individuals reportedly behind the petition and homeschool coalition were later elected to the school board.
Granted, there were parents and community members who also stood up and spoke out in support of our students and of the decisions of the principal and board, but the anger and hatred was draining. What was also frustrating to me was that none of the other people ever brought their concerns or questions directly to me, or sought to get to know me, or understand me. They spread rumors amongst themselves, would occasionally call the superintendent or a board member or the Agency of Education in Montpelier, but never the person most directly responsible for daily life at the school. No one cared to learn the truth or have dialogue.
One key exception to that was Pastor Jim of the Stamford Community Church. When I reached out to him, he was happy to meet with me, and the first time we met we spoke for several hours. Although many people might imagine us to be very different, I think he would agree with me that we likely agree on at least 85% of things, and have very similar morals and ideas. It was Pastor Jim who first told me about the fear of “indoctrination” that he had heard from community members. I told Pastor Jim about my life growing up, my active involvement in church and my community, at a time when there were no positive gay role models – no positive representation in books, in movies, on TV – where every message I received about homosexuality was negative and bad. So much so that I feared what I was feeling about myself, and grew to hate what I was becoming, even imagined myself and the world better off without me in it. I felt tremendous pressure to be someone other than who I was, and I tried so hard to comply. It was awful, and it nearly killed me. Literally. I would never try to make anyone into someone that they aren’t. I know what that feels like – to be pressured to live a life that is not authentic, that is not true, that is not you. My whole life has been about undoing that for myself, and I would never wish that upon anyone else. I would never try to make a child into something other than who they are. But I do believe wholeheartedly in allowing kids to be themselves. I feel there is no harm in allowing kids to explore who they are; I think harm happens when we make kids feel shame, embarrassment, guilt, or pain for an authentic thought or feeling or emotion they have – especially since who someone is at 6 or 9 or 12 is not who they will be at 16 or 19 or 32.
All of the negative interactions of the past year, without any feelings of hope of being able to change the hearts and minds of those individuals who didn’t seem interested in getting acquainted with me to see past preconceived notions, kept weighing on me, making the commute more wearisome. What’s worse, it followed me like a dark cloud, influencing my daily interactions, making me reluctant to engage with community members who may not be receptive, parents who might not be supportive, and students whose parents might misunderstand me. As I saw myself allowing myself to distance myself from the relationships which I had previously held dear and felt are primary to the success of a school, I realized that I can’t successfully be the principal I want to be in this community that can’t see past one part of who I am.
I tell you all of this not to complain, not to cast blame, not to stir up past problems. (If those were my motives, there are other ways I could do that: I’ve been urged to go to the press, encouraged to file a report with the Vermont Human Rights Commission, etc., but none of those things will improve daily school life for your kids.) I share this now for two main reasons. The first it because your kids and the Stamford School have meant far too much to me, and I wouldn’t want anyone to think that a shorter commute alone would not be enough to entice me to leave them. To say "shorter commute" oversimplifies it, but it is the easy, most convenient, least complicated explanation for my departure. The other reason I share this today is that I hope by sharing this experience with you, you may be able to prevent it from happening to someone else. By raising your awareness to what I experienced, perhaps you can make Stamford a better place for others.
I try to be a good person. I try to model kindness and fairness for your children. I try to maintain a positive attitude and make school a happy place to be. I try to do right by kids each day. Sure, sometimes I fall short in any one of these endeavors, but I’m never trying to do harm, or turn anyone into something they are not. (Unless they aren’t acting kind, and I’m trying to make them kinder. That’s different…)
To those folks who need to hear it, and to you (who maybe don’t need to hear it), I say: Let your kids be kids, let them be who they are and become who they will become, because there is still a long way to go and a long way to grow until they become the more final versions of themselves. Until then, I want them to know that all things are possible, and that they are loved, and cared for unconditionally, no matter the path they may be on, so long as they are being true to themselves and not harming others along the way.
Model kindness, model love, model respect.
In the end, I’m still proud of the things we were able to accomplish together on behalf of our kids, but I’m sad, too, for the unrealized dreams I had for them and for our school. I think I still could have worked to do good things. I trust that the good people we’ve brought together on staff and the overall improved morale, and the new leadership will be able to smoothly pick up where I leave you, and do great things for your kids, because your kids deserve nothing less.
Thanks for your support, and for your support of the Stamford School, our staff, and our amazing students,
-- Randy
