There are two reasons why "accepting no" can be a difficult skill for students to learn. First of all, a student is often asking for something that they genuinely want so there can be disappointment, frustration, and even anger if the request is denied. Second, this skill involves a "final" answer and many young children have learned that if they argue, whine, pout, or complain loud/long enough, a "no" can become a "yes". As a result, some students use inappropriate behavior until they get the answer they want, and that reinforces the use of the poor behavior. Therefore, it is important to teach and practice the skill of "accepting no" and to reinforce them whenever they use the skill correctly.

Introduce Skill

• Ask students if they have ever been told no
• Brainstorm reason why they should, or may have to accept no for an answer
• Saves time because you are not arguing/complaining
• More likely to get a yes in the future
• Violates a class rule or school policy
• Fosters a positive environment
• Makes classroom activities run smoothly

Describe the Appropriate Behavior

1. Look at the person (eye contact shows respect and shows that you are paying attention to the person - avoid frowning)
2. Say "okay" (use a pleasant voice or nonverbal such as nod, thumbs up, etc - this communicates understanding even if you do not agree with the answer)
3. Stay calm (if you react negatively, you make the situation worse - use calming strategies such as breathing, counting, refocus area if necessary)
4. If you disagree, ask later (plan on how you are going to approach the person who told you no including what you will say - accept the answer even if it is still no - thank the person for listening)

Give a Reason/Rationale

• Being able to accept no shows maturity and demonstrates to others that you understand you won't always get what you want.
• Teachers, classmates, and friends will appreciate and respect you more when you are cooperative and understanding.
• You are more likely to get a "yes" the next time you ask for something
• Adults are likely to give you more responsibility and leadership
• You make life easier and less stressful for everyone around you and for yourself.
• Your relationships with others become more positive.

Practice

• Use a calendar to track the number of times a student receives a no answer and discuss at the end of the week: who had the most "no" answers, possible reasons why they received a "no", how many times they reacted appropriately, etc.
  

Journaling

• Write about a time you did/did not "accept no" appropriately and what the outcome was
• Why is it sometimes hard to hear a "no" answer?
• How can "accepting no" help you in the classroom?
• How can "accepting no" help you on the playground or in athletics?

Role Play

• You ask your parents if you can go to a movie with friends. They say no. Accept the answer by following the skill, then politely ask for a reason why you are not allowed to go.
• You ask your teacher if you can go to the library to check out a new book. The answer was no. Show how to accept the answer appropriately.
• You are working on a group project with other students but you want to work in a different group. You ask if you can trade places with another student, but the answer is no. Show the reactions you should avoid, then show the appropriate way to accept the answer.
• At recess you ask your friend to play a different game, but she says no. How would you accept no from your friend?

Feedback

• Be sure to frontload students with the expectations when necessary.
• Praise specific steps followed and give feedback on areas of improvement. Let students know you will be watching in order to "catch them" using the skill.
• Continue to praise and re-teach as needed

Academic & Behavior Facilitator

Tech Academy @Pettit Park

Email: hdarnell@kokomo.k12.in.us
Website: http://leadyourheartout.blogspot.com/
Location: 901 W Havens St, Kokomo, IN, United States
Phone: 765-454-7075
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/leadyourheartout/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel
Twitter: @HetherDarnell