Minnesota National Guard Army Sgt. 1st Class Joseph Kolle, 175th Forward Support Company in Appleton, Minnesota, and his wife, Janelle, have two children, Orin, 12, and Cullen, 10. Janelle said military children need to have a connection and purpose to their role because they give up so much and a great deal is expected of them.
“These kids are serving alongside their family members too, with pride, but without choice they end up giving up more than anyone can fully define,” Janelle said. “For us personally, it’s missed conversations, skipped traditions, a lack of spontaneous moments. It’s the emotional toll, consistently unknown schedules. It’s the feeling of being different, the expectation to be stronger, bigger, braver, smarter, and manage loneliness and disappointment.”
There is also the challenge of having a parent away from home for long periods of time.
“Only having Mom, I don't get to do all the things. I have to help more with chores,” said Orin, who doesn’t plan to join the military in the future because he said “there is too much stress for families.”
His younger brother Cullen said he feels lonely when he’s apart from their dad and he fears for his dad’s and other soldiers’ safety. His mom helps him cope.
“The distance is hard, but we send packages to Dad, they are fun to do, and Mom is the best at them,” Cullen said.
The demands on military children can take its toll, so Janelle provides her children with opportunities for creating moments of laughter, maximizing relationships, and finding joy in the little things. She also ensures her children feel they are part of their dad’s military career decision and offers them a mission of their own.
“One that meets their age and maturity level,” Janelle said. “When our boys feel a sense of understanding, it gives them a purpose to be proud of. Attending military youth focused events, camps, the military museums, the Minnesota 911 memorial, deployment dinners, unit family picnics, and holiday parties address some of their unique needs.”
“We did the Vikings Day event before Dad left,” Orin said. “I saw there were lots of kids sending parents away too. It’s important to know.”
Cullen enjoyed a family day at his dad’s work. “It's good to know what he does and think he is safe,” he said.
While the military community offers many activities in which military youth can participate, Janelle noted a need for more support in schools and communities, and she encourages parents to help address this.
“We recently ended a deployment for my husband and felt like I was on an island during this time. I shared with the schools about this time of deployment and transition in hopes of a partnership to build my children a village of trusted adults,” Janelle said. “I did the research and provided talking points to teachers. I gave the schools things to look for at this time. I did the research on how to best support the military youth in their school. I did the work because our military youth needs advocates for challenges around military service. I did what I could to educate and fill the gap.”
Janelle also reached out to the Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which found military-connected volunteer mentors who could relate with her sons.
Orin and Cullen said schools and communities can do more to support military children and families.
“They could have a person to talk to and have it be a person who knows the military,” Orin said. “It could be a person to talk to the military kids about world stuff, bringing us together."
Cullen suggested recognizing military children. “And do things special for them, veterans program at school, show kindness,” he said.
Prior to moving to Benton County, the Kolles lived in Crow Wing County, where Janelle and a school district’s community education leader launched a military youth club for elementary and middle school military-connected students that met once a week. Businesses in the community sponsored the club’s activities and covered costs, such as supplies and a snack for each meeting. Any military connected child could participate for free.
“It is our responsibility to each other and the youth to fill in the gaps and address these identified areas of struggle,” Janelle said. “We need to build the tool kit to help ease the weight of military service for our own and educate along the way.”
To celebrate Month of the Military Child, the Kolles will attend the Minnesota National Guard Child & Youth Program's annual Purple Up festivities at Mall of America on April 25 for the first time. The open house-style event includes music, character appearances, giveaways, treats, rides at Nickelodeon Universe, and a Build-A-Bear experience. Purple is the official color of the military child. It is a combination of all the colors of the U.S. Armed Forces -- Air Force, Navy, and Coast Guard blues, Army green, and Marine Corps red.
“We are looking forward to seeing the joy in the kids and honoring their service and sacrifice,” Janelle said.
Despite the hardships, Orin and Cullen are happy to be part of a military family.
“I get to do fun things, and I get to tell others about my dad,” said Cullen, who might consider serving in the military one day. “I don’t want to cook, and they feed you. I want to do cool things and see new places,” he said.
“I have strong relationships with my family. My mom and dad are strong,” Orin said. “I get to feel proud of my support to Dad, and the military is proud of me.”
Army Sgt. Maj. Jen Chaffee, 347th Regional Support Group, and her family also volunteers with the Hugo BTYR. Chaffee and her veteran husband were first introduced to the group 13 years ago through its hunting events for veterans and service members. Afterward, she and her husband would contact the group whenever they knew of a service member who needed support.
“The Hugo BTYR has supported the units during multiple Family Day events, assisting families with gifts for the holidays, furniture, utility bills, more gift cards for gas than I can count, and family friendly hunting events,” Chaffee said. “For us, as a family, the Hugo BTYR has helped us with instilling values of service to others, giving back, commitment, and love and support for community.”
Chaffee said the work of BTYR community networks, like Hugo’s, is important.
“They provide our military and their families immediate support while they wait for the services from the state to kick in if needed,” Chaffee said. “They also provide peace of mind to our military members when they are deployed through helping their families back home with things such as mowing the lawn, snow removal, and those unexpected repairs to appliances or other things that come up while they are away. The support from the BTYR networks during those times away, allow the military member to focus on their job at hand, so they can come back home to their loved ones.”
Army Reserve Chaplain (Maj.) Matt Deitner, 644th Regional Support Group at Fort Snelling, said BTYR networks provide valuable connections to resources and people who are willing to offer their time and knowledge to help others.
The Hugo BTYR supported Deitner’s family during his deployment.
“I had a plumbing issue while I was gone, and my wife didn't know where to turn. She called Chuck and he took care of getting a plumber to the house and the network took care of the bill,” Deitner said. “We had a wooden toy rocking horse break and Chuck was able to connect with a woodworking hobbyist in the network who was able to help fix it and put a smile on my kids’ faces. It was also a huge help that my family was welcomed at their Burger Night to eat for free while I was deployed.”
In addition, Hugo BTYR sent care packages to Deitner’s unit during a deployment and later introduced him to pheasant hunting and other hunters. In return, Deitner pays it forward by volunteering at Hugo’s Burger Nights, packing care packages, and he even assisted with a tree removal for a veteran.
Scott Tacheny, Hugo BTYR’s secretary, and his wife Ann have been part of the network for 12 years. Tacheny’s father, stepfather, and father in-law served in the military. He and Ann became involved when one of their sons joined the National Guard. “So, joining was a great way of supporting his actions,” said Tacheny, who encourages others to also serve their community.
“Volunteering is not for the faint of heart. You often find yourself dealing with many things you are unfamiliar with or out of your control,” Tacheny said. “The first time I worked a meat raffl,e I was shocked by the large number of people who came out to the event and their generosity. The first time we were involved in running a concession stand at a University of Minnesota football game was both terrifying and thrilling as well as exhausting and stimulating!”
Tacheny finds volunteering with the Hugo BTYR to be a rewarding experience. He enjoys the many heartfelt thanks from those who have benefited from their efforts.
“They are a true representation of their gratitude for the hard work and what we do as an organization,” Tacheny said. “I would encourage anyone who is looking to volunteer to consider the Beyond the Yellow Ribbon network. You will not be disappointed!”
Radio show highlights Children's Minnesota
Ron Jarvi and Aaron Simpson with Children's Minnesota, a recognized Beyond the Yellow Ribbon organization, was featured on the Minnesota Military Radio show April 3. Tune in to this and previous shows. Fairview Health Services, also a BTYR organization, will be featured in May.
Commentary: Gaining new perspective through change in environment
By Air Force Chaplain (Maj.) Keith Beckwith
Minnesota National Guard Operations Chaplain
I recently visited our nation’s capital to inspect a fighter wing's religious support team's process and procedures and ensure there were no deficiencies that could impact its mission. I then reported the results to the Inspector General and command teams.
Since the wing has a unique mission and responsibility, its operations tempo is high most of the time. Despite this, I was most impressed with the people I met, the leaders with whom I interacted, and the conversations I had. Through the inspection, I had the privilege to support the wing and their chapel team, but I gained a greater perspective. I saw first-hand a team that is a force multiplier to the mission and the men and women of the wing. I saw a hard-working team that is integrated into the life of the wing and is making a difference in a critical, nationally impacting mission. I also gained perspective on how I might bring that experience into my life and role in the chaplaincy.
When you step out of your environment, even for a brief moment to gain perspective, you look at tasks, stress, and even your spheres of influence with a new set of eyes. Try it soon.
Reach out.
The mission of Beyond the Yellow Ribbon is to establish and sustain a comprehensive community and corporate support network that connects and coordinates agencies, organizations, and resources to meet the needs of Minnesota's veterans, service members, and families in all military branches.
The BTYR Bulletin informs, connects, and supports Minnesota's military community and its many partners across the state.
Subscribe: E-mail beyondtheyellowribbon@gmail.com.
E-mail: ng.mn.mnarng.list.j9-beyond-the-yellow-ribbon@army.mil
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Resources: Minnesota National Guard Family Programs
Editor: cristina.f.oxtra.nfg@army.mil