Here are two pieces of writing from Weka Room - they are great examples of 'Show - Don't Tell' that have used senses to make their writing come alive. Well done Rayan and Breanna.
The bright day I was in a trench. I looked up at the bright orange, red and yellow sky. I saw a flock of birds gliding to a burnt tree.
I was having a chat with my mate. He was called Jack. We were on the bunk bed listening to people shouting as we heard the last gun fired.
My team's clothes were wet and muddy because they did not get washed for months. I could smell sweat and mould. It was time. I finally went home to my family. Rayan
The day the soldiers went to war I marched onto the pitch black boat with sadness because I already missed my family. I saw a watery tear coming out of my mother's eye.
Suddenly the boat took off. i waved goodbye to my parents and siblings. Then it started to pour down with rain. I got soaked.
As I was sitting on the deck I saw seagulls flapping and squawking i heard the gum trees rustling in the noisy wind as we sailed past. i also heard waves constantly splashing the hull of the boat.
When I was steering the boat I smelt smoke coming from the engine as the coal was burnt to power the ship.
I felt a bit nervous because I had never been to war. Breanna
