Are you paying attention in a conversation as you're listening or are you giving your attention in a conversation as you are listening?
Giving your attention to someone is an act of generosity, it's an act of curiosity, it's an openness in a conversation where as paying attention feels like it's taxation, it feels like something is demanded of you, something needed to be done before the next thing.
It is generally easy to tell when someone isn't listening to you. However, ironically if we are asked we would generally all respond that we think we are good listeners but in fact, we often are not.
How do we fix that in a professional setting?
Do you begin to space out or think about the next thing or get frustrated in a conversation but can't show it because you feel like time is being wasted?
There are a couple concepts that I believe we can look at that can clear up efficient and meaningful communication in the workplace.
Interestingly enough, according to Oscar Trimboli we speak approximately 125 words per minute, however, our mind can process roughly 900 words per minute. That is why your mind can think about other things while still being in a conversation, or space out, or try to solve the conversations problem while the problem is being discussed.
That is why, generally speaking, we can all be bad listeners at times. Our mind can process faster than we can speak and our mind can get bored in a conversation relatively quickly.
When you speak, try to keep each subject strand of thought to approximately 125 words or less. Meaning don't belabor points (make the point verify content attainment and move on) don't talk in circles or use spiral conversations if you actually want to be heard in a professional setting or you will lose their listening concentration or waste their time (you are not trying to commit the concept into their long term memory). If you waste their time it can diminish conversation effectiveness in the future.
Know your role in the conversation. Are you bringing the conversation or problem to a person that has active authority to remedy it. Do you just need to be heard or just process (should that conversation be with a peer or the active authority). Are you the active authority member and your role is to be a great listener. Conversation is often an unbalanced equation so you have to know your role to ever find a solution.
When a conversation begins, qualify the type of conversation it is so that the listener can know their role. For example:
Example 1
Conversationist - "Do you have a few minutes that I can process a thought with you on"
Listener - (give an honest answer on time available) "Sure thing, I have about 10 minutes I can give you, what is going on?"
Conversationist - (respect the time given and adjust the conversation accordingly)
In this particular circumstance the Listener knows their role is to truly hear out the conversationist and not necessarily try to fix the problem. These conversations generally have emotions and relationships involved and requires very intentional listening skills.
Example 2
Conversationist - "I need your approval on a particular matter, do you have 3 minutes?"
Listener - "Sure, give me the bottom line up front. What do you need?"
In this conversation the Listener knows their responsibility is to provide a solution and can be more pragmatic in their listening approach.
Obvious right?? We know these things but we don't apply them. How often do you see conversations being qualified in your work place? Or is it just general small talk that eventually blends into what needs to be discussed? How often is the listener disengaged by that point or ready to move on to the next thing by the time you get to what you actually need to talk about.
Asking qualifying questions at the beginning of the conversation so that the type of conversation is clarified, being clear, concise, and correct in your speaking points (approximately 125 words per initial subject thoughts) (The listener or active authority will ask follow on questions or clarifying questions if further information is needed to conclude or remedy a situation), and being respectful of the length of conversation had.
These are simple strategies that can greatly impact your communication efficiency in the workplace. Doing these things will help listeners give you attention when you speak rather than paying attention when you speak in a professional setting. This is not to say that you can't small talk or have longer deeper conversations at work. These are just techniques to clarify actual work communication not relationship building conversation.
Lead NWA well this week!
- Dr. Keith McDaniel
