At our last PTSA meeting, we were fortunate to have the Northville Youth Network present on some parenting strategies that build independent young people who are able to advocate for themselves. As the father of a 6th grader this year, I found the message especially resonant as I find my middle schooler just entering that difficult time between childhood and young adulthood. Though he's nearly my size, he is not grown yet; he is also no longer a child incapable of making (or ordering) his own meals, doing his own laundry, mowing the lawn, or myriad other things he will need to learn to be a successful adult. Oddly enough, I find that the more "adult" responsibilities I give him, the less he behaves like a child. When he protests, I often say "How are you going to learn to be an adult if you don't do the things adults do?"
As it relates to school, I encourage him to email his teachers when he has questions or concerns. I might proof a message, but I don't communicate for him. Every so often, he logs into MISTAR and then brings me the laptop and explains what I'm seeing. I spend a large part of my day navigating MISTAR at work, and I could certainly do so without him, but the value is in the parent/student time together and in him owning his performance through an explanation. When he has a conflict, either with his sisters or with an adult/kid at school, I (with some difficulty) resist the urge to jump in and tell him what to do. A common question in our house recently has become, "What do you think you should do about that?" It works for everything from "My teacher is driving me crazy" to "Dad, I'm hungry." The school goal is the same as the home goal: Learn to advocate for yourself and solve your own problems. I am here to help you, but I won't do it for you.
This is my oldest child and the first time I'm experiencing middle school as a father; with two other younger children, I have about 8 more years of parenting middle schoolers to go. As the principal of Hillside, or as Mason, Maddi, and Ava's dad, my goal for all of our kids is the same: I'd like to see them leave middle school as gritty, self-motivated young adults who can advocate and problem-solve. If we can do that, our kids will be successful in high school, college, or career
- Bill Jones
