There are many strategies that can be used to help athletes keep their focus on success. We will often talk to our athletes to ensure they have helpful strategies to use while they are in the midst of feeling overwhelmed. Let's talk about how we can change the dialogue as parents.
Often times, it can be more than just the pressure of the game that gets to our children. Social Media does help to elevate stress levels more than we as adults may realize. To feel constantly judged, compared and to have your every action publicized, is a major stressor. Failures are now "captured" on a higher level than other generations may have previously faced. Learning to turn these into a positive experience, is a skill that needs to be learned.
Have these conversations with your children if you don't already. Chances are, they may not even realize these pressures are on their mind. Imagine having your every move captured on Game-changer? While this technological advance is awesome, it does add another layer for stress. They may not even realize they're holding themselves to such a high standard of being "perfect." Being afraid of "messing up", being "noticed" for negative things or being made fun of may be causing your child to freeze or spiral in moments of stress.
They probably already realize where they have made errors on the field. Learning how to communicate can make all the difference with your child.
* First, find out how they think their game went.
* Ask what areas they feel as though they did well.
* You may want to even then ask them what areas they want to work on or ask them if there were any situations they learned from.
The goal here is to let them participate in their experience and try to create solutions themselves rather then be TOLD or yelled at. Learn how THEY think and what they THINK of themselves.
It is true, we all have had good days and bad days. It is a part of being human and learning. We do want our children to be the best version of themselves they can be and to level up every time they play however, in reality, that may not always happen. That is OKAY. What we sometimes forget as parents is that this doesn't mean they didn't "level-up." Perhaps in these moments of "failure" they are instead learning to level-up in a different way. They are learning to analyze their play, think about their decisions, correct their mechanics. These moments of failure may also be the very thing that ignites them to want to work harder!
What you can do NOW to help your child be more positive and confident:
1. Change the dialogue and tone when talking WITH your child after the game. It is important to learn how they think of themselves and to see if they can come up with their own solutions. I often give the example, we do not with with our children in Math class. They are there by themselves where they work through problems and adjust.
2. Help them create solutions for their pressure if needed. What can they do in that moment of frustration? What did you used to do or what do you do that helps you in moments of frustration? How can they let go of this frustration after the error or after their game?
3. Focus on the positive. Did you know it takes roughly FIVE positive comments to outweigh one negative comment? https://advice.theshineapp.com/articles/challenge-your-negative-thinking-with-the-5-1-ratio/#:~:text=That's%20a%20magic%20ratio%E2%80%94five,can%20offset%20our%20negativity%20bias.
