COUNSELING SOLUTIONS

The New Year is a period that can feel equal parts hopeful and daunting. Perhaps you are still recovering from the stress of the holiday season, or maybe you are struggling to find the necessary inspiration for a “new year, new me.” As 2024 draws to a close and the new year expands ahead of us, we are called to reflect on our accomplishments from the year, and establish goals where we fell short. We start looking to the people around us, and that familiar act of comparison begins to play out once again. There comes a sense of urgency; a certain pressure to be someone else with each new year. This feeling likely accompanies a sense of shame when we inevitably don’t live up to impossible expectations.

This cold, snowy Missouri January brings with it a necessary reminder to slow down and exist in the moment. What if instead of trying to be someone else - someone stronger, or thinner, or more productive - we reimagine the new year as an invitation to a “new me” who can just be. To find the joy in small moments that are happening right now, rather than fantasizing about a version of ourselves that is just out of reach. What can you notice about the version of you right here? How can you appreciate the ways your body has carried you to this present moment? How can you thank your system with rest, nourishment, gentle movement, connection to others? I invite you to take a break, take a breath, and exist in the present for just a moment. Healing begins when we relinquish the need to be anything but what we already are.

Rachel Smith, PLPC is currently accepting new clients. Learn more about her practice here.

Counseling Solutions has partnered with MSU to provide income-based LOW SLIDING SCALE FEES with counseling interns! Our interns are supervised by the university and by an on-site Licensed Professional Counselor. They work with children, teens, adults, couples, and families, and they have immediate openings. Fill out a short REQUEST FOR SERVICES, and you will be contacted about scheduling an appointment. Feel free to share this resource with anyone who can benefit!

As a child, you learned many foundational lessons from your family that shaped your values, beliefs, and behavior. The family was also the first place you learned about relationships and how to communicate with others. However, the value and influence of the family does not end when we move apart from our family of origin. As adults, our family of origin has a continuous influence on our lives and our relationships. In addition, we create our own families and the patterns continue.

ADULT FAMILY THERAPY provides a safe space for families to address conflicts, promote healing, improve communication, and strengthen relationships. Some of the benefits of family therapy are as follows:

• Allows adult family members to share openly and respectfully their thoughts and feelings while acknowledging each family member’s thoughts and feelings.

• Helps family members understand each person's intent which aids in resolving misunderstandings.

• Supports making, communicating and upholding boundaries.

• Provides families a space to face and communicate about significant changes such as adding new family members through marriage or children, readjusting after divorce, and/or working together as family members age or struggle with major illness, surgeries or chronic health conditions. This helps family members maintain healthy relationships by navigating transitions.

• Enhances collaboration to solve problems and work together more effectively and successfully

• Fosters stronger family bonds and harmony by establishing mutual understanding between family members.

• Identifies and breaks harmful generational patterns, such as poor communication or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Adult Family Therapy empowers healthier and happier families.

To learn more about Adult Family Therapy, contact Margaret Skidmore, LPC, NCC here.

Where does meditation fit into the vast array of attempts to alleviate suffering and increase human flourishing? You hear about mindfulness and meditation in the news and read about it in scientific research. Mindfulness for this, meditation for that. One therapist tells us to question or dispute our thoughts, and another tells us to anchor to a sense of being while letting thoughts pass us by like leaves flowing on the surface of a flowing river. Which one is right? Both strategies are useful depending on the situation. Still, in either approach, there has to be a moment of recognition where one is conscious that they have become distracted in their mind. The choice one makes right after that recognition dictates how the mind is trained. It could be a choice to return to a productive activity, question the validity of one’s thoughts, or relax and return to an object of meditation, but this habit will be strengthened through the process of repetition. Research has shown that regardless of whether a distraction contains pleasant or unpleasant content, the wandering mind is unhappy (Killingsworth & Gilbert, 2010). When we dispute thoughts with cognitive approaches, we are aware that we are doing this, not wandering within the context of a distraction. Are my thoughts reasonable for the situation, or am I exaggerating something, taking it too personally, or making the problem seem more universal/permanent than it is? That activity is intentional and occurs within the context of mindful attention.

Hence, whatever your therapeutic goals may be (processing of trauma, improved coping skills, self-knowledge), developing mindfulness (Pali word Sati, which means to remember) needs to be part of the process. Establishing a meditation practice is a way to develop the capacity to be mindful across an expanding variety of inner and outer situations. It naturally increases our window of tolerance when we witness the fact that a mental phenomenon arises and passes away without destroying us. Sitting in meditation for ten minutes or more per day can change our brain structures within a few months (Lardone et al., 2018) while at the same time building our capacity to slow down, be present, and notice, an ability that greatly improves our capacity to process trauma.

That being said, learning to meditate can be daunting when our mind has strong tendencies to become distracted. This is why entire spiritual systems have become established to facilitate the process. One need not adopt a spiritual system in order to establish a practice, but we should admit to ourselves that meditation is not trivial. It is, however, worth the effort. So how do we do it? I use what is referred to in Buddhism as right effort. Wrong effort is like paddling a canoe that is tied to the dock. Right effort involves relaxing and letting go of the dock. We recognize the mind has become distracted, relax the tension in the mind and body, bring up a wholesome object (a smile or “re-smile” or the breath), and keep our attention on it for as long as possible. After some time, the mind becomes distracted again (this is an unconscious movement, which is why we should not judge it). Then, at some point, we recognize the mind has become distracted (that is, we are meta-cognitively aware of this now) and repeat the process of returning gently to the object of meditation. I’ve been practicing meditation for years and am still learning, but I can tell you from experience that we underestimate the benefits. Remember, it is not that you can’t meditate. Given enough time, the flow of a river will smooth out any rocks. That being said, I respect that it is a significant challenge, which is why I offer meditation coaching for those who are interested.

Learn more about Jake Braden, PLCP and his practice here.

An Emotional Support Animal (ESA) is a dog, cat, or other pet that provides comfort and support for people with debilitating stress, anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions. Pet owners know that animals can bring companionship, joy, peace, and love into our lives. In short, pets can help us feel better in very therapeutic ways. Therefore, people suffering from these emotional/psychological disabilities have a legal right to live in any house or apartment (even where pets are normally prohibited) without having to pay pet deposits.

Want to know if you qualify for an ESA? Check out the facts here!

The holidays have come and gone, and our social media feeds are full of celebrations and reflections as a new year begins. Friends and acquaintances are setting new resolutions, showing highlights of the past year, expressing hope for the year ahead. But, what if you’re not feeling so hopeful? What if your past year was about surviving day to day, grieving the loss of someone you love?

You aren’t alone. While society is getting better about the awareness and acknowledgement of grief during the holidays, those grieving are often left in the shadows as January rolls around and focus is shifted to what is new, shiny, and bright. But grief is not a holiday visitor; grief is a long-term resident unfazed by its worn-out welcome; still demanding your time, your focus, and your energy. Grief is messy and follows no one’s timeline but its own.

So, if you are grieving this season, take heart in hearing that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to welcome the new year, or find it too painful to reflect on the last one. Give yourself permission to lean in to what you feel, to ask for help or company when you need, and to talk about your loved one. Grief does not want to be shamed for existing; it seeks a companion, a witness to the journey. Speak your grief, hope will follow - just maybe a little slower than the calendar turns.

Gen specializes in grief work and is currently accepting new clients, accepting a variety of insurances: gennelson.clientsecure.me

Gen also leads the 8-week group for Suicide Loss Survivors - with the next session beginning February 5th.

1. My partner should know what I need without me having to tell them.
2. I should never feel lonely/rejected in a good relationship.
3. I can change my spouse so that they can reach their full potential.
4. The relationship should solve all of my problems, and I should be happy.
5. If the passion/intensity is waning, there's something wrong with the relationship.
6. We should never go to bed angry.
7. It should feel easy; if we're fighting a lot, it means it's not a good relationship.
8. A good relationship should always be a 50-50 partnership.
9. We should complete each other: my partner can fulfill all of my needs, and I can fulfill theirs.
10. We should be able to tell each other everything.
11. We should have the same interests and spend most of our time together.
12. We should not be sexually attracted to other people now that we're together.
13. Children will bring us closer.
14. The children need to come first.
15. Married sex is boring.

There are SO many myths and misconceptions about marriage that can slowly and subtly poison the roots of a relationship. We are constantly bombarded with these unrealistic and contradictory messages from our culture and from the media. These myths shape our expectations and reactions and can often leave us feeling isolated, broken, disappointed in our partner, and wondering if we could be happier with someone else. Like cars, relationships need repairs and tune-ups with time. Far too often couples wait too long before trying couples therapy. You don't have to wait until the car is broken down on the side of the road before getting help--it's wiser to address problems when you first notice the smoke or the rattle.

Have questions about couples counseling? Contact Brian Vega, LPC, NCC here.

Anger is an emotion that gets in the way of our relationships, can leave us feeing isolated, and can generate shame. Our culture doesn't focus on it until it's a problem, so many adults never learned how to manage anger in a healthy way. Counseling Solutions offers an anger management class that is convenient and affordable, and it can help!

The Anger Management 101 course focuses on understanding:

• the brain-based biology behind anger
• thoughts and awareness
• feelings, triggers, and reactions
• communication and conflict styles
• domestic violence and shame
• conflict in relationships
• 20+ healthy coping mechanisms

Our class is VIRTUAL, LIVE, and takes place in the evening. Learn more about it here.

Many people have suffered from religious trauma and spiritual abuse. Group processing is a cost-effective intervention to promote healing! Learn more about Ethan Gibson's group below.

Brian Vega, MS, LPC, NCC, started Counseling Solutions in 2005. Since then, it has grown to partner with over 30 providers and to include: individual, couples, family, adolescent, play, group, EMDR, brainspotting, virtual, and sex therapy; ESA letters, anger management classes, and supervision for PLPCs and counseling interns. Find out more about all of our services here.

Email: briancvega@me.com
Website: www.counselingsolutionsoftheozarks.com
Location: 1531 East Sunshine Street, Springfield, MO, USA
Phone: 417-887-9950