Aspire's Awareness Academy

Have you ever judged someone by the way they look? Maybe they appear unkempt, wear outdated clothes, or don’t make eye contact, all without knowing the person first? I have. I remember back in middle school, there was a girl who had greasy hair, dirty clothes, and sometimes an unpleasant odor. I judged her, as did others. I remember us talking about how she must be "poor" and that she couldn't afford shampoo or soap, as if those things were under her control and she was choosing to be messy looking. It was so cruel. This is hurtful judgment.

As a grown-up reflecting on my experiences, I wish I had been kinder to her. I wish I had invited her to sit with me at lunch and taken the time to get to know her before passing judgment. We [myself and peers] didn’t know her story; we knew nothing about her. For all we knew, she could have been mourning a loved one, and getting up to go to school may have been incredibly difficult for her at that moment in her life. Perhaps she was up late at night caring for younger siblings, making mornings a rough time for her due to her responsibilities. Maybe she faced a choice between getting more sleep or cleaning up for school. Sleep is a necessity, and maybe she chose sleep instead. I wish I could have been different from the other kids, but I wasn’t. We didn't have social emotional learning (SEL) in our schools back then, I probably didn't even know what empathy was in middle school.

Honestly, one of the reasons I became a school counselor was because middle school and high school were so difficult for me. As a tween and teen, I found I needed to attach myself to certain people, jeopardizing friendships I had for a long time. I found it difficult to be myself; I was always trying to fit in with the "cool crowd" and being a part of someone else's drama until I had my own. I was pretty judgmental as a tween and teenager. I reflect back on this with some sadness because that was not truly me, yet it was. As an adult, I wanted to help the underdogs—the kids who got judged, excluded, and ridiculed. I wanted to do what I couldn't do when I was a younger person. My school counseling years were fulfilling because in almost 20 years time, I know I helped kids feeling alone, I taught kids how to be kind, understanding and empathetic and they knew I was there for them.

I still struggle with judgment, though I am more mindful of the judgment that can hurt, not just others but also myself. I think I grew up at 49, when I stopped drinking alcohol, and became mindful of my judgment when I need to make decisions, big or small. My judgment got sharper here too.

Take a minute to ponder on your growth since you were a younger person, growth in judgment and how you used [use] it. Celebrate any growth you recognize, and stay mindful of the judgment challenges.

We all need to take care of ourselves, and those around us. Oxygen mask on you first, then help your neighbor- just start with empathy and be mindful of any judgments.

This time of year is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the concept of judgment. There are many facets to judgment, and in this newsletter, we’ll explore a few of them together. When people hear the word "judgment," they often think about judging others, sometimes associating it with feeling superior or being unkind. However, it's important to recognize that judgment is also a vital tool in our lives.

We need judgment to protect ourselves, to encourage personal and professional growth, and to foster self-awareness about ourselves and those around us. At its core, judgment is not a feeling or emotion; it’s a thought process. It’s how we form our opinions about people, situations, and things based on what we value and believe to be true. When we make judgments, we're essentially deciding if we think something is good or bad, or how it stacks up against other things.

While our emotions and feelings—like bias or personal beliefs—can influence our judgments, the act of judging itself is more about how we think and understand the world. Emotions such as anger, happiness, or sadness might emerge from the judgments we make, but the process of judgment is fundamentally a mental activity. As we dive deeper into this topic, let’s embrace the power of judgment as a tool for growth and understanding!

As we explore the nature of judgment and its impact on our growth, let us remember the words of American author and speaker best known for her work on introversion and the value of quiet individuals in a society that often celebrates extroversion, Susan Cain, she says“"The more we get to know and accept ourselves, the easier it is to accept others." Cain gained widespread recognition with her 2012 book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." This insight serves as a reminder that judgment, when balanced with love and understanding, can lead us to deeper connections and a more fulfilling life.

Understanding the different types of judgments can help in recognizing our own biases and influences, promoting a more compassionate approach toward ourselves and others. Here are some common types of judgments:

• Personal Judgment: Assessing oneself based on criteria like self-esteem, abilities, and actions. This includes self-criticism or self-approval.

• Moral Judgment: Evaluating the rightness or wrongness of actions based on ethical or moral principles. This often involves discussions about values and integrity.

• Social Judgment: Forming opinions about other people based on their behaviors, appearance, or social status. This includes stereotyping or labeling individuals.

• Cognitive Judgment: Making decisions based on information, experiences, and biases. This includes judgments affected by cognitive biases like confirmation bias or halo effect.

• "Confirmation bias" is the habit of only looking for and believing information that supports what you already think. People with this bias tend to ignore or downplay facts that go against their beliefs, which can lead to distorted views and poor decision-making.

• The "halo effect" is a cognitive bias where the perception of one positive trait (such as attractiveness, intelligence, or kindness) influences the overall impression of a person or thing. For example, if someone is physically attractive, others may also assume they have other positive qualities, like being smart or friendly, even without evidence to support those assumptions.

• Emotional Judgment: Assessing situations or individuals based on emotional reactions rather than rational thought. This can lead to impulsive or irrational evaluations.

• Aesthetic Judgment: Evaluating art, beauty, or taste based on personal preferences or societal standards. This can vary widely among individuals and cultures.

• Professional Judgment: Opinions formed based on expertise or experience in a particular field, often used in decision-making processes in professions like law, medicine, and education.

• Practical Judgment: Making decisions based on real-world situations and the likely outcomes. This involves weighing pros and cons in everyday life scenarios.

I encourage you to explore the list of judgments above, as it may help you view judgment from a different perspective—beyond simply "judging others or ourselves." Judgment plays a significant role in all our decision-making processes. While it is essential for making informed choices in our lives, it can also be dangerous. We rely on judgment to navigate various situations, but we risk misusing it when we confuse it with assumptions and irrational beliefs. Judgment exists both as a noun and an action, and with that duality comes the necessity to proceed with caution.

In this film clip I see social judgment and cognitive judgment. Do you recognize any other judgments from the list of judgements above the video?

There are several types of judgment going on in this movie clip. See if you can identify a couple.

Judgment is a complex aspect of human behavior that often gets a bad rap. While it's true that snap judgments can lead to misunderstandings and foster negative stereotypes, it’s important to recognize that judgment, when wielded wisely, is an essential tool for personal and societal growth.

At its core, judgment involves evaluating situations, people, and choices—skills that are crucial for making informed decisions. It helps us navigate the world, providing us with a framework to assess risks, opportunities, and social dynamics. For instance, consider the realm of professional relationships. Judging a colleague’s work ethic can inform our decisions on collaboration. If we perceive someone as reliable and competent, we’re more likely to partner with them on important projects. This type of judgment aligns with our professional goals and can enhance team dynamics and overall productivity.

Furthermore, the ability to judge can also facilitate self-reflection and personal growth. It allows us to examine our values and standards, helping us clarify what we truly want out of life. For example, when we make a judgment about a friend’s choice to engage in risky behavior, it may prompt us to evaluate our own boundaries and the type of friendships we wish to cultivate. In this way, judgment becomes a catalyst for self-awareness and improvement.

However, like any tool, judgment must be applied thoughtfully. It’s important to differentiate between constructive judgment—where our assessments result in positive actions or personal growth—and harmful judgment that perpetuates bias or exclusion. Mindfulness and empathy are key in this process; by considering the context of our judgments and recognizing the complexities of individual situations, we can harness judgment’s strengths rather than its potential for harm.

In conclusion, while it’s easy to vilify judgment as a source of negativity, it is, in fact, an integral component of our decision-making processes and personal development. Embracing this duality allows us to use judgment as a means of fostering understanding, inclusivity, and growth—both in ourselves and in the communities we inhabit.

Let’s challenge ourselves to think critically about our judgments, ensuring they reflect our values and promote positivity in our interactions. After all, when judgment is approached with awareness and kindness, it can lead to meaningful connections and informed choices that benefit everyone.

My new brand is here, and you can see it throughout this newsletter. I love it!

On December 2, Aspire will be launching a new website featuring my new look and brand. Be sure to visit the website on the 2nd to check it out!

I am also working hard on the book I'm writing for readers who want to learn how to practice self-compassion, shift their mindset, and develop coping strategies. I will include personal stories and client examples to help set the stage for discussions on topics such as adult growing pains, unmasking shame, judgment's double-edged sword, and feeding your soul. The title is still a mystery! It looks like we may have an early spring launch—fingers crossed!🤞

Additionally, I am excited to announce my first online course, titled "Awakening Your Inner Force." This self-paced, guided empowerment course focuses on self-awareness, boundary-setting, mindfulness, stress management, mindset and positive thinking, healthy habits, emotional intelligence, effective communication, goal-setting, action planning, resilience, and much more. For 2025, you will receive two 30-minute coaching sessions built into the course for face-to-face assistance as you work through the coursework.

Stay tuned to learn more. Also, early Spring I will be launching my shopper's page so you can easily purchase any books or course offerings that may be coming up for later 2025.