As you may recall, two weeks ago we discussed why “proximity” matters when it comes to race, equality and injustice. I also stated that in our final newsletter of February, we will discuss the four stages of Proximity: Interest, Dating, Engagement and Marriage.
Interest: This stage is when you like someone from afar. You think they are cute, smart and funny, but you don’t know a lot about them.
Ex. I have heard things about social injustices from some of the students' parents, social media, family members and coworkers. I have even googled a few things.
Dating: We go out on dates, have intimate conversations, we enjoy each other’s company, and argue every once in a while.
Ex. I’ve read a book or two, watched a documentary, thought about calling a friend out about their biases, and even marched once. In this stage you recognize it’s a problem, but you are still fully committed.
Engagement: Includes everything in the Interest and Dating stages, with an addition of a few things; Holding each other accountable, having discussions about finances, and thinking about what’s in the best interest of your relationship. In this stage your commitment is really growing, but it’s not quite there. You can still call the wedding off.
Ex. I’m having deep conversations with my friends, calling a few people out, reading books, watching documentaries, having dinner with my black friends, and getting into a heated debate.
Marriage stage: This stage includes everything from the previous stages, with the addition of a lot of additional things. When you are married you fully understand the importance of communication, trust, forgiveness, date night, being thankful, etc. You know this person is with you for the long haul.
Ex. I’m calling family members out, inviting your black friends to family functions, going to your black friends family reunions, self-reflecting on your own biases, and committed to social change. In this stage, it’s possible you could lose friends/family members.
I encourage us all to consider our proximity to racism and injustice and varying stages in which we can find ourselves today. I have lived by a quote that the great Vernon Johns said, “If you see a good fight, get in it.”
