Dear Parents and Members of our School Community
I recently came across an article with some excellent tips and strategies for engaging with our children. I've highlighted some key points that I found particularly relevant and interesting. Following the article, I've included a few questions that I've personally used with my own children. Additionally, there's an attached list of questions that I discovered online.
Happy Reading!
How do you ask kids about their day at school, and get an answer?
ABC Radio Perth
/ By Emma Wynne
Posted Tue 21 Feb 2023 at 3:00amTuesday 21 Feb 2023 at 3:00am
It's instinctive to ask your child at the end of the school day: "How was school?"
You're probably keen to know how it's going, what they've been doing for the past six hours or more, what have they learnt? But how often do you actually get an answer longer than one word?
Many parents ask their kids how their day was as soon as they pick them up, but it's not something parenting coach Gen Muir recommends. "That's the number one thing we don't say," she explains to Christine Layton on ABC Radio Perth. "We're so excited as parents, and we just can't wait to get the info, but for most kids asking is the quickest way to have them shut down completely." After a full day at school, especially at the beginning of a school year when it's all new, children need time to regroup before they open up. "One of the best things you can do, and Maggie Dent made this famous, is to feed them first," Ms Muir says. "Often, they have forgotten to eat lunch, or if they have, it was a long time ago, they were too busy playing, and they're 'hangry'. "We almost want to hand them food before we even try to talk to them."
Food first, questions later
Even after they've eaten and might be more ready to talk, asking 'how was school?' isn't the best way into the conversation. "They can sense our desperation, a bit, and you want to be a bit cool," Ms Muir says. "So, you might ask them a question that's a bit different, like: 'Did anything really funny happen today?' Or 'What is something that challenged you?' "If we say, 'how was school?', we're probably going to get a one-word answer."
Ms Muir says with her four boys, she waits until they are home and have had a snack, then lets them decide when they are ready to talk. "I think often if we just give it time, they will come to us. It might be that they start doing something or they start playing and I might connect with them first." She also tries to pick up on things they've said earlier about what's been happening at school. "If I know that they played with a certain person the day before, and it was really fun, I might ask if they played that game again that they enjoyed so much yesterday. "It shows we're listening, and it really has them feeling much more like we're connected, and we really get them. "Then they're more likely to say 'well, no, you know, this is what happened' or 'yes, this is what I did'.
Ask something specific
For listener Dennis, who is a retired teacher with five grandchildren, he has also learned to vary his questions. "I think most of the time if you ask the question 'what happened at school?' I usually get the answer — 'nothing'. I threw that out years ago. "What's always worked for me was to say to them: 'What's the best thing that happened to you today at school?'" Some kids just take longer before they are ready to talk, Ms Muir says. "I think we have to trust that sometimes it just takes that long for them to kind of process it," she says. "Sometimes children, they actually process a lot of what happened through play and what happens is, they get home, and they need to eat, they need to jump on the trampoline, or maybe get lost in their imaginations or just do something bit mindful, where they're not thinking about their day. "Annoyingly for us, those questions or bits of information might come out right at bedtime just as you get them all tucked in and settled in — they say, 'Do you know what happened today?'"
Meltdowns are inevitable
"I think all around the country right now, there'd be a lot of children having after-school meltdowns, because we've just started back in a new year," Ms Muir says. "Because quite simply, when our children have to work very hard to hold it together all day long, they see their parents or grandparents at the gate as their safe base. "No sooner do they get in the car, they seem to be whingeing or whining, fighting with siblings or absolutely falling apart in a full-blown meltdown. "We actually call this after-school restraint collapse." Ms Muir says it can be hard for parents to hear their child has behaved perfectly for their teachers all day, then have them lose it at home. "Actually, it is the biggest compliment, because what's happening is your child has held it together, they've been that person they need to be in the outside world all day. "And then they see you as their safe base, they know they can just let it all out. "I think one of the biggest things we can do as parents is accept that meltdowns are going to happen."
Some good questions to ask:
What made you smile today?
What was the highlight today?
Give me an example of a kindness you showed or saw?
How was … Maths? Science? Auslan?
What did you do that was hard, but you accomplished it?
Teach me something about that I don’t know?
