MN National Guard BTYR Bulletin

By Cristina Oxtra

Minnesota National Guard Public Affairs

Shegstad family

The Month of the Military Spouse is observed in the United States every May to honor the contributions and sacrifices of military spouses.

Lauren Shegstad is one of the almost 10,000 military spouses of active duty, National Guard, and Reserve service members in Minnesota. She and her husband, Air Force Tech. Sgt.

Nicholas (Nick) Shegstad, 133rd Airlift Wing Maintenance Squadron, have been married for 11 years. They have three children – Landen, 11, Kinsley, 8, and Cedar, 6.

Military life includes many challenges for both the military spouse and the service member.

“The unknown is one of the biggest challenges and trying to find people who understand and relate to the military family lifestyle,” Lauren said. “Along with the sacrifice you have to make as a spouse and watching the sacrifice your children make.”

“I worry about leaving Lauren to handle everything on her own,” Nick said. “I know that she can handle it, but I also know that it can be very stressful. When it’s been a tough day at home, there is no tapping out with me so that she can take a break.”

Nick has been deployed eight times, four of which were while being married with children.

“I wouldn’t say that it’s ever easy to have your spouse leave for any amount of time and each new deployment brings its own unique set of challenges, especially with kids,” Lauren said. “All three of our children have special needs and that itself brings their own challenges, physically and emotionally. When routines form a sense of safety, deploying changes all that up. You have to rebuild that both from the deployment and rebuilding upon returning.”

Lauren pointed out that military spouses are tough and can weather through any difficulties.

“We are strong and resilient, kind of our own breed of warrior,” Lauren said. “We have immense pride and respect for what our spouses do.”

But Lauren suggested military spouses should be open to asking for and accepting help, as well as building and using a good support system. She also hopes more connections can be established between military families and the people in their communities and workplaces.

“Being we live in a Guard state, it feels we don’t have the same tight military community that’d make it easier to connect with other military families or to get support from other spouses and even kids,” Lauren said. “It would be nice to see more events hosted to connect families and different community programs, like Beyond the Yellow Ribbon. and maybe drawing in new partnerships that could support families during times of deployment.”

Established in 2008, Beyond the Yellow Ribbon, known also as BTYR, maintains an extensive community and corporate network to meet the needs of Minnesota’s veterans and service members of all branches and their families. There are currently 50 BTYR community networks and 87 corporate partners across the state.

Lauren appreciates the Northeast Metro Beyond the Yellow Ribbon and its chair, Dorothy Radermacher, a Vietnam veteran spouse, for the support she and the community network has provided to her family through the years. At this time, as Lauren’s brother is currently undergoing treatment for cancer and Nick prepares to deploy for the ninth time, the Shegstads are thankful to have BTYR in their corner to help them.

“God has truly blessed us through Nick’s deployments with the incredible connections we have made with our local Beyond the Yellow Ribbon,” Lauren said. “Dorthey Radermacher of BTYR has not only helped our family in times of need but has been an advocate for us and our military community. That relationship is priceless in a moment of crisis when you feel all alone.”

Nick is pleased to know that there is a Month of the Military Spouse observance every year and more should be done to recognize military spouses.

“I feel that more emphasis would be great with more opportunities to celebrate spouses more publicly,” he said. “Lauren has been truly amazing throughout the 11 years we’ve been together. She is there helping me pack my bags, making sure I am not missing anything, including things I’d never think of, and she is there helping me when I annoyingly wake her up at 4:30 in the morning because I can’t find some part of my uniform. She is truly my biggest supporter. My life would be a mess without her.”

Watson family

For Army Chief Warrant Officer 3 Douglas Watson, 34th Infantry Division, the Month of the Military Spouse, celebrated every year in May, means recognizing and acknowledging the unique role military spouses have in a service member’s life.

Doug is especially thankful for his wife, Amy.

“I could not have achieved what I have in the military without the support and sacrifices my wife has made,” he said.

Doug and Amy have four children – Brody, 15; Brockton, 12; Evelyn, 11; and Elliana, 8. Amy said military spouses take on many roles, ranging from parent and keeper of the schedule to lawn maintainer, house cleaner, snow remover, and more.

“At times, I am a single parent while my spouse is on a mission abroad. Taking on the role of independent parenting while still trying to include your soldier and keep them relevant in your kids’ lives is very difficult,” Amy said. “Feeling like your marriage is put on pause for nine months to a year and trying each time to find a new normal is difficult and then reintegrating the soldier back into the routine that may have changed since they left. Drill weekends often cutting into family events or kids’ sporting events is tough. The kids don't like it when Dad has to miss their stuff.”

Amy takes it all in stride.

“I may have challenges in this lifestyle, but I feel my challenges are minor compared to my soldier who misses out on chunks of our lives,” Amy said. “I don't know that I could leave my family for periods of time. I feel that all these challenges help to make me a better person, help me to appreciate what I have in my spouse and our family.”

Amy also sees being a miliary spouse as a learning experience.

“I truly have learned a lot of what I am capable of because of deployments. I finished my degree, fixed a washing machine, changed a car battery, fixed a dishwasher, taught drivers ed to our son, and managed a driveway in one of the worst snow seasons on record,” she said “Without my soldier being gone, I may not have attempted many of these things or stretched the boundaries of what I am capable of accomplishing.”

Amy has also established friendships with other service members and spouses and has enjoyed volunteering and participating in events.

“I have had the opportunity to volunteer with the Soldier and Family Readiness Group, help put on three successful Family Day carnivals and have had great opportunities from Beyond the Yellow Ribbon and other organizations, like attending a Twins game, a Wild game, and even a spa day for spouses,” she said.

Doug would like to let all military spouses know that they are appreciated not only during the Month of the Military Spouse, but throughout the year.

“I can’t say it enough, it's great having a support system you can count on to handle things when a soldier's mission takes them elsewhere,” he said. “Without the support of military spouses, we would not be as successful.”

Amy would like to let her fellow military spouses know, “You are amazing.”

“But don’t forget the beauty in being challenged. Challenges help us discover what we are capable of and when we have taken on more than we should and need help from others. Don’t feel bad for relying on others, be grateful for all the amazing support we are fortunate to have,” Amy said. “When times get tough as a spouse or soldier, reach out, I guarantee you’ll find a battle buddy who can listen or share in your frustration. The military is one big family support group. If you feel alone, ask for help or get involved. No matter what, please know you are amazingly resilient and capable of great things.”

Amy encourages employers and community members to support the military spouses in their workplaces and neighborhoods.

“Military spouses are hard-working individuals who manage to make the impossible possible at times, but who sometimes forget to ask for help when they’re drowning in a to do list,” Amy said. “Unlike military bases, the next National Guard family going through the same deployment cycle may live many miles away. Our families are all spread out, sometimes making this experience a lonely one. The best thing a neighbor did for me was deliver pizza to my house, so I didn’t need to cook on a drill weekend. Small acts of kindness do make a difference. Whether it’s a meal, yardwork, or a listening ear, we appreciate it.”

Learning about entrepreneurship

Painting social

By Cristina Oxtra

Minnesota National Guard Public Affairs

The Minnesota National Guard’s Child & Youth Program hosted Purple Up at Mall of America® on April 25 to recognize the contributions and sacrifices of military youth to the nation.

“The children in our military families must often overcome difficulties that many people may not be aware of,” said Joy Luedeman, Child & Youth Program lead coordinator. “We want to make sure our Minnesota military-connected youth know they’re valued and their contributions matter, not only to their families, but also to their peers and communities.”

This annual celebration was one of many events during the Month of the Military Child, which is observed every April across the United States Armed Forces. At the event, military youth and their families enjoyed games, character appearances, photo booth, caricature art, airbrush tattoos, giveaways, treats, rides at Nickelodeon Universe® provided by Mall of America and other sponsors.

Purple is the official color of the military child. It is a combination of all the colors of the U.S. Armed Forces -- Air Force, Navy, and Coast Guard blues, Army green, and Marine Corps red. More than 15,000 children in Minnesota have at least one parent serving in the National Guard or Reserve.

“Mall of America is proud to be one of the many Minnesota businesses that fully support and recognize Month of the Military Child,” said Sara Durhman, director of Corporate Social Responsibility at Mall of America. “At our core, the mall is about creating memorable experiences and leading from the heart. Many of our team members are veterans or active members of the Reserve and Guard. They lead with heart and go above and beyond every day. They are key to our success.”

There were also other activities throughout April, including contests in art, photography, backpack design, and recipe creation. Families could also request a letter from Governor Tim Walz thanking military youth at minnesotaveteran.org/militarychild.

Photos by Cristina Oxtra

See more Purple Up photos on the Beyond the Yellow Ribbon page on Facebook.

Karl Koch and Lori Simpson with Fairview Health Services, a recognized Beyond the Yellow Ribbon organization, discussed how Fairview supports the military community on the Minnesota Military Radio show May 1. Tune in to this and previous shows. Amy Watson, a Minnesota National Guard military spouse and Soldier & Family Readiness Group volunteer, will be a guest on the show May 29.

Photo by Cristina Oxtra

Fairview Health Services was recognized as a Beyond the Yellow Ribbon organization and became part of the BTYR network in 2024.

To learn more, e-mail Holistic Health & Fitness at H2F-Internal-Project-Management@army.mil.

By Air Force Chaplain (Maj.) Keith Beckwith

Minnesota National Guard Operations Chaplain

Have you heard the term passive leadership or passive parenting? Passive leadership involves a leader or parent, who avoids acting or directing their team or family, often waiting for issues to resolve themselves. Active leadership or active parenting involves taking initiative, providing guidance, and actively addressing problems with the goal of achieving a desired outcome.

For example, you are in the supermarket. The kid or kids in the aisle in front of you are putting up a fuss and screaming for a particular item that their parent is not letting them have. If you’re curious like me, you’re pretending to shop while, at the same time, also intrigued as to how this will play out. Best case, the parent will hold the line and offer a stern warning to the screaming kid, like “If you do not stop making a fuss, we’re going to leave.” You hope they will leave, which demonstrates active leadership. But the kid continues the relentless rant, and the parent acquiesces to appease, which never works, by the way. You just observed passive leadership.

Passive leadership in a family, and especially in the military, fosters inaction that undermines trust, creates fear of confrontation, provides a lack of direction, and, ultimately, leads to indecision. Our challenge every day is to consistently be an active leader whether parenting or a leader in the force, engaging the people for whom and to whom we are responsible.

Visit the Minnesota National Guard Family Programs website and follow the Family Programs Facebook page and Child & Youth Program Facebook page. Click here to volunteer for events. For more information, e-mail Joy.l.luedeman.ctr@army.mil or nicki.schneider.cys@gmail.com or call (651) 268-8378 or (651) 268-8695.

Golf tournament to fundraise for military youth

Join the 17th Annual Sandy Maxwell Tee It Up for the Kids charity golf event for the Minnesota National Guard Youth & Teen Camps. Proceeds help sponsor families for registration, provide lodging and food, replace worn equipment, and more. Click on the link for details. Register at https://forms.gle/oxWNESG6tgLM4wLk7.

For more Beyond the Yellow Ribbon events, see the calendar on the BTYR webpage and follow BTYR on Facebook and X.

Invisible Wounds Project, Northeast Metro BTYR partner for mental health-focused event

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. See flyer for more details. To register, use the QR code or click on the link.

Minnesota Twins offer tickets for military community

The Minnesota Twins is a recognized Beyond the Yellow Ribbon organization.

Career fair for veterans to be held this month

The Minnesota Department of Employment and Economic Development and Career Force are hosting a free veterans career fair at the Heritage Center in Brooklyn Center on May 21. Click on the link to register to attend this event.

HIbbing-Chisholm BTYR offers veteran resource fair

Northeast Metro BTYR sponsors fishing event

Scan the QR code on the flyer for more information or to register. Or visit the Freedom Fishing Foundation website.

Owatonna BTYR to host fundraiser

Funds raised go toward Owatonna BTYR and its efforts in supporting the local military community.

Rosemount BTYR presents Patriots in the Park
To learn more about this event, go to https://rosemountbtyr.org/patriots.

Save the date: Pine City BTYR golf scramble

More information coming soon.

Volunteers needed at games

Learn more at wheelchairgames.org.

Lower St. Croix BTYR to host annual concert

Click on the link to learn more.

The mission of Beyond the Yellow Ribbon is to establish and sustain a comprehensive community and corporate support network that connects and coordinates agencies, organizations, and resources to meet the needs of Minnesota's veterans, service members, and families in all military branches.

The BTYR Bulletin informs, connects, and supports Minnesota's military community and its many partners across the state.

Subscribe: E-mail beyondtheyellowribbon@gmail.com.

E-mail: ng.mn.mnarng.list.j9-beyond-the-yellow-ribbon@army.mil

Follow: X @BTYRmn and Facebook
Visit: BTYR website
Download: Minnesota National Guard app.

Resources: Minnesota National Guard Family Programs

Editor: cristina.f.oxtra.nfg@army.mil