The holidays are over, and school will start soon for most students. This past December, some kids might have brought home a disappointing report card that left their parents experiencing frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and even shame.
At Love and Logic, we do not think that disappointing grades mean bad parents, a bad kid, or a bad future for that kid. Instead, they represent an opportunity for us to express our unconditional love, provide wise guidance, and use our Love and Logic skills. When these opportunities arise, remember the following:
Hand it back.
“Handing it back” means expressing empathy while reminding yourself that your child’s report card is not your report card.
This might sound like, “Oh, I can’t imagine how disappointing this must be for you. I love you.”
Listen and remember that just a bit of loving silence is golden.
When we talk too much, we end up owning the problem. When we empathize, listen, and provide a pat on the back or a hug, we are less likely to make the problem worse. Allow your child to think about the issue for a day or two before beginning another discussion.
Ask, “What do you think you are going to do?”
This question is not just a question. It’s also a clear statement of your belief in your child’s ability to cope and to find solutions. It also communicates, “Your grades are your grades. I’m here to help but I can’t do this for you.”
Offer some options for solving the problem.
“Some kids decide to ________.” This is far more likely to enjoy eventual success than, “You should_________.”
Focus on character over grades.
Remember that we can’t make our kids into great students, but we can make our home great places to learn important values like honesty, love for others, grit, and delayed gratification.
As your kids go back to school, resist the temptation to allow fears and frustrations about their grades to take over. Instead, place your emphasis on character. By doing so, you dramatically increase the odds that our child will enjoy life-long success. If your kids appear to be struggling academically, my book, From Bad Grades to a Great Life, will give you valuable insights and tools that can help you provide a solid foundation for their academic success.
Thanks for reading!
If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay
