March Parent Newsletter

February was a busy month at School 46! There were many field trips, and we had a door decorating contest to help celebrate Black History Month. In addition, we had a ton of Super Improvers celebrated for their hard work, and many students who were recognized for demonstrating the characteristic of resilience at our parliament meeting. The month flies right by with the break.

And now it is crunch time. We are working to maintain our status as a school in good standing. The way you can help is by making sure your children have excellent attendance! Unless they are sick, they should be here every day, with a positive attitude, willing to participate and engage in their educational program. We know that this process is a two way street. If a student is unwilling to engage and participate, it doesn't matter how talented the teacher is. Also, phones are becoming a real problem. The school rule is up and away during the day because they are so distracting. This goes for earbuds as well. We need your help getting that message through to students, especially our students in grades 4-6. It is essential that we maintain a learning environment free from distractions so that our students can do their best. There are no exceptions. Thanks in advance for your help.

March is National Reading Month. It is also Women's History Month. Make sure that you take some time to read about famous women in history with your children! We will be featuring amazing women in history all month on the announcements. We will be having some festivities the first few days of March to celebrate Read Across America Day, including pairing up our older and younger students for buddy reading, and an assembly called I Love to Read! on March 2.

PTA Updates

The PTA is looking for more members! Please take a moment to sign up using the QR Code below. In order for us to continue to have a functioning PTA, we need to meet a threshold for membership. The more members, the better. Also, be on the lookout for another fundraiser coming from the PTA. Information will be shared in the coming weeks.

As always, thank you for sharing your amazing children with us! It is such a pleasure to be a part of their lives. We are working hard to ensure that every student is able to learn in a safe, joyful, academically stimulating environment every single day. We value your children, and our partnership with you!

March 1: First Day of Women's History Month

March 3: Read Across America Day/ Half Day for Students 12:30 dismissal

March 7: Parent Conferences begin this week

March 10: Grade 5 to RPO today

March 16: Grade 3 to Genesee Country Village & Museum

March 23: Grade 1 to Strong Museum of Play

March 28: 10:00 AM instrumental music concert; 6:00 PM evening concert @ 46 School

Note: Highlighted words are defined at the end of this article.

Consequences are a part of parenting that can bring on a lot of emotions for both a parent and child. Knowing what kinds of consequences are best or not having one at all is something parents struggle with. We also think of our own parents and our childhood.

How were you given consequences as a child? Did you learn from them?

Do you want to parent you children the way we were parented or do you want to parent differently?

A lot of parents say that they just aren’t good at thinking of an appropriate consequence or, they take something away as a punishment because this is easy.. When they are really frustrated or when a child is in a dangerous situation (running across the street or separating from them in a store) parents often grab, push or hit a child as an immediate reaction. Parents who haven’t put much thought into consequences may also resort to hitting or yelling. Parents who were hit or spanked as children often carry this onto how they manage their children.

In the end, when consequences are not pre-determined, both parent and the child suffer and neither has learned anything positive.

There are two types of consequences 1) Natural and 2) Logical.

These types of consequences can both be effective, but you as the the parent has to decide which is the best for any given situation.

Natural consequences are those that happen on their own as a result of a person's actions or not taking action. If a child doesn’t complete their homework, they receive a bad grade or, if a child doesn’t eat dinner, they are hungry at bedtime. These are examples of natural consequences.

It is often better to avoid a power struggle and let the child experience the natural consequences of their actions or poor choices. This teaches them a life lesson. As a parent you can point out the natural consequences. “Your grades were bad because you did not study or complete your homework.” “You are going to bed hungry because you chose not to eat what we all had for dinner.” You don’t need to give out any other consequences, pointing out the natural consequences are enough!

We all can relate to life lessons. After all, isn't that what parenting is all about? Helping our children learn how to get by in the world in the best possible way?

A Note on natural consequences: You need to determine ahead of time if a natural consequence is safe. If a child leaves for school without a hat and mittens and it is freezing outside, you want them to learn the lesson of wearing these things and putting them on independently but if it’s freezing outside, you need to think about frostbite! Being cold won’t cause permanent damage and might help the child learn a life lesson but frostbite has a long-term consequence. So does failing a grade at school because homework is not done! So, you might keep asking your child to do their homework and if they don’t complete it on their own, you may have to step in, sit down next to them and watch them do it.

What to NOT do when natural consequences are not in order: As a parent, you DO NOT want to enter into an argument or, power struggle, with your child if you can’t use a natural consequence.

This has negative effects regardless of who wins. If you are successful at forcing your child to do something they don’t want to do, your relationship is strained. Your child begins to feel either rebellious or powerless in life, and she or he doesn't learn to make decisions. What is learned is how to be pushed or to push someone into doing what other's want them to do. This teaches manipulative behavior and we don’t want that! Instead of entering into a power struggle, walk away, think about it and come back with a fair consequence.

A note on manipulative behavior: Children who learn to manipulate often hang out with peers who they can manipulate into doing things that they want to do or, they can be manipulated themselves; they hang-out and follow peers that seem to manipulate them into doing things that they would never do on their own. All parents want their children to be independent thinkers and responsible for their own behavior and choices, not allowing their peers to have an influence on them.

Also, controlling parents who get into power struggles with their children teach children that the job of a parent it to control and this is wrong. The job of a parent is to provide for your children’s needs, protect them from harm, discipline them while teaching them with natural and logical discipline, teach them how to respect others and give them emotional support and love. You can probably add to this list (see homework #2).

A note on respect: Respect is both learned and earned.

Logical Consequences: Logical consequences should be used when the natural consequences are too severe (like getting frost bite or repeating a grade in school). A logical consequence for a child who doesn’t’ complete homework would be that an adult sits at the table with them while they complete the homework assignment., They are not left to complete their homework independently (with an adult nearby or showing the adult the completed homework assignment after it is done) they have to do homework with you sitting next to them supervising. You sitting next to them looking on until they are done with homework is the consequence. A logical consequence for a child who continues to forget his/her hat and mittens may be that they need to prepare their coat, hat, mittens the night before school by putting them together at the door so they are ready in the morning. If the child still disobeys, refuses to complete homework or runs out the door to school without wear the right clothing, a further consequence might be that they cannot have play time or TV time until the homework is completed or until after they have prepared their clothing for school the next day. Of course the reason for this consequence needs to be explained clearly to the child:

“You may not watch TV until your homework is done because homework comes first, so that you can practice what you learned in school today and go onto the next grade.” Or,

“You can watch TV or play video games after you prepare yourself for school tomorrow so that you are not rushed and forget things as you run out the door.”

Thinking about this and practicing this takes some work but remember, it’s your job!

Remember: A logical consequence is discipline rather than punishment. The consequence isn't aimed at the child in an aggressive way by a frustrated parent who wants to control their child; it is aimed at teaching a life lesson and hopefully changing behavior or choices to more positive ones. The idea in setting consequences is to offer the child an opportunity to learn from their mistakes so that they will choose to behave differently next time.

A note on grounding: grounding a child is not logical. The consequence of grounding usually has nothing to do with the misbehavior and therefore cannot be a requisite to a learning experience or, life lesson for a child. The consequences, natural or logical, need to have a relationship to the misbehavior in order to teach a life lesson. If a child is grounded from watching TV because they hit a sibling, this is not logical. If they are grounded from watching TV because they have not completed homework this is logical because TV and homework can be done at the same time, usually after school or at night. If a child hits their sibling a logical consequence might be that they need to apologize to their sibling and write a letter or card to them telling them why they hit them, apologizing and saying what they could have done instead.

Example: “Dear little-brother-Johnny, I am sorry that I hit you in your arm. I should have not done that. I did it because I was angry because I wanted to change the channel on TV with the remote and you had it and would not give it to me. The next time I will ask you if I can have the remote. If you do not want to change the channel then we need to ask an adult to help us figure out what to do.”

This example gives a natural consequence to the misbehaving child, having to apologize to their sibling and also as a bonus, gives a mini writing lesson!

In summary, parents need to think of discipline as a form of teaching rather than punishing. Consequences, natural and logical should have a relationship or, be related to behaviors and children should lean life lessons from them.

Parent Homework #1:

Sit down for fifteen minutes and think of the typical misbehaviors you might see from your child that you would like to change. List these behaviors on paper.

Divide a sheet of paper in half, on one side list behaviors, on the other side list natural or logical consequences. Take some time to think of what the natural or logical consequence might be for each behavior. If you have a difficult time thinking of things ask another adult that you are close with. The next time your child acts out, you will be more prepared to deal with the situation without losing your cool or creating negative feelings between you and your child. You will show your children that you love them and at the same time teach them important life lessons!

Example:

Behavior:

Natural or Logical Consequence:

Refusing to complete homework

Bad grade / sitting at the table till homework is done or, best attempt is made.

Running into the street, not looking both ways before crossing

Getting hurt (not acceptable) / not being allowed to go outside alone or, without supervision

Arguing/fighting with siblings over TV

Having to take turns watching TV shows, each child gets a 30 minute turn / No TV for each day arguments arise

Parent Homework #2:

Divide a sheet of paper in half. Create a list of all of the things you would like to have known as a child that you know now, things you “learned the hard way.” List these on one side of the sheet. On the other side, list what you think is your “job” as a parent. Then think about how by using natural or logical consequences you can teach these life lessons.

Example:

I wish I knew then (when I was a kid)

What I know now:

My job as a parent:

I should have made my own decisions and not followed my friends.

Teach my children how to make good, independent choices.

Designer labels don’t matter.

Keep my children dressed appropriately but we don’t need to spend all our money on designer clothes, we can find nice things at reasonable prices.

Getting good grades does matter.

Instill the idea that education is important and valuable.

Definitions:

Appropriate: Right, correct, suitable.

Consequences: The outcome or result of something, usually negative.

Pre-Determined: Thinking about something before it happens, scheduling, planning

Positive: Optimistic, productive, encourage.

Natural: Normal, expected, likely, regular.

Power Struggle: Disagreement, arguing, an ongoing argument.

Powerless: Helpless, ineffective, unable.

Manipulative: To influence or control in a negative or bad way, usually for selfish reasons. .

Relationship: To have an association, connection or bond to someone.

Life-Lesson: An experience or example that teaches something over a person’s lifetime, may involve knowledge or skill.

I hope you take some time to enjoy this month's book! We have been talking a lot about resilience this year, and what to do when things don't go the way you planned them. This beautifully illustrated book takes the beloved nursery rhyme and extends the story to discuss what Humpty Dumpty did to get back up on that wall. When our students encounter difficulties, they often do not have the experience to know how to get through it. A small setback can feel like a very big deal to a child whose coping skills are not completely developed. This book is a great way to help students learn that even if we fail the first time, we can still find success if we keep trying.

Theme(s): The After the Fall book is the continuation of Humpty Dumpty, from the egg’s perspective. The book promotes themes of determination, a growth mindset, perseverance and courage.

We are a committed community of learners serving a population of preschool age children through sixth grade. We provide a safe and nurturing environment where students engage with a rich and challenging curriculum.

Email: 4info@rcsdk12.org
Website: rcsdk12.org/46
Location: 250 Newcastle Road, Rochester, NY, USA
Phone: (585)288-8008
Twitter: @RCSDsch46