February News

As we return from winter recess we wanted to take an opportunity to address some of the changes that may be coming shortly to the masking rules at school. We know that this change will be met with many different emotions for everyone. It is our hope that we will all respect one another's right to chose what is comfortable and appropriate for their family. In a world that you can choose to be anything we encourage you all to choose to be kind!

Arzu Alkan, Guggenheim Counselor 767-5268

Jen Biblowitz, Sousa Counselor 767-5365

Casey Horowitz, Daly Counselor 767-5219

Gina Kelly, Salem Counselor 767-5425

Barbara O'Donnell, Manorhaven Counselor 767-5325

Jessica Shawver, Pre-K Counselor 767-4954

By Casey Horowitz

As the pandemic drags on, parents are consistently challenged with difficult conversations with their children. No matter your family choice, the transition to mask optional will create an opportunity to have meaningful discussions with your children. Clear and consistent messages are key when communicating your decisions. Keep in mind the developmental age of your child and have the conversations accordingly. Remind your child that school is a safe place, with adults who they can rely on for support if and when needed.

New Form of Peer Pressure: Listen, Validate, Support, Navigate

While peer pressure with masks might be a new issue, the idea of peer pressure is not. Seize the opportunity to remind children what to do and say when they experience peer pressure.

Children of all ages experience external pressure to act in a certain way, particularly when they have heard strong opinions about the topic. Open non-judgemental conversations are always the best approach to peer pressure. Listen to your children’s thoughts and feelings about the topic. Validate feelings so they know you understand their perspective. Adults can support children by strategizing suggestions, helping to navigate tough situations as they arise. Prepared children are empowered to respond appropriately as new situations are encountered.

Respect the choice of each child and family

Children need to understand the importance of respecting the choices of others. If your child feels self-conscious about the decision to wear or not wear a mask, help them verbalize their reasons. You can role-play what they will say if someone asks why they’re wearing or not wearing a mask or teases them about it. Help them practice responding directly, without giving too much attention by saying: “I feel safer wearing a mask at school; what do you want to do during recess today?” or “I do a lot of other things to keep myself safe and healthy; want to play tag today?”

What if my friends don’t make the same choice?

Children must be prepared to face their friends or classmates who have different beliefs about mask wearing. Family decision making is personal, deeply rooted into a parents own belief system. Similar to the way we teach tolerance and acceptance, we want to help children understand that families will make their own choices as to whether their children will continue to wear masks. Use an example such as screen time, showing that different families set limits in the ways in which they feel comfortable. Parents make the best choice for their family, which does not mean that a different choice is a bad one. There is no right or wrong, just what is right and best for each child and family.

Focus on what we can control

It is an important time for us to refocus our parenting to what we can control. When we focus on what we can not, feelings of insecurity and anxiety can become overwhelming. Adults need to be mindful of vocalizing their personal opinions in front of children or saying negative thoughts about other people’s differing decisions. Kids take their emotional and behavioral cues from parents and may feel confused or anxious about the ‘right’ way to think or act in this situation. Masking has become a very polarizing issue. Parents can teach children that this is another opportunity to show empathy. We never know what is going on inside another family situation. Help children understand that another child’s decision to wear or not wear a mask is just another personal choice they make and try to remove preconceived notions about mask wearing.

News of Omicron arrived just as we were heading into what we hoped would be a more relaxed and festive holiday season. And while we don’t know yet how deadly the new variant will prove to be, it has already taken a toll by plunging us back into uncertainty.

Will vaccines fail against Omicron? Will schools be closed again? Will it be safe to travel? Gather with family? Shop? Dine out?

Just the thought of wrestling with more uncertainty in the months ahead is exhausting, coming after almost two years of disruption and frustration. The roller coaster of emotions is dizzying. It’s no wonder that the first thought from many stressed parents and teachers has been, “I can’t go through that again!”

“One of the things we’re hearing a lot is fear that we’ll go back to the worst of the pandemic,” says David Anderson, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “It’s reminding people of the worst, most stressful experiences they had. They’ve been doom-scrolling Omicron, trying to get a handle on it, and it’s not working.”

With our reserves of patience largely exhausted, it’s time to focus again on things we can do to tolerate uncertainty, he notes. Here are some strategies that adults can use to get through this latest round of stress and help kids do the same. (For tips on how to help kids stay flexible, click here.)

Why uncertainty is distressing?

Uncertainty is hard to tolerate, Dr. Anderson observes, because human beings are wired to respond immediately to danger — fight, flight or freeze. We’re uncomfortable if we can’t identify what we’re facing. We like to feel like we’re in control, and we can’t be if we don’t know what we’re up against. What’s safe and what’s not? As he puts it: “We don’t like staying in that zone where we have to tell ourselves, ‘You need to be prepared, but you don’t know for what.’ “

It’s also especially hard to tolerate frustration and discomfort when you don’t know how long it will last. Omicron has dimmed hopes that we’ll soon be able to put the pandemic behind us. Will this never end? We can’t see an end in sight, but we can get more comfortable living without one.

What can we do to tolerate uncertainty?

The tools we can use confront uncertainty are the same tools we use in any situation that involves stress or unhelpful emotions, Dr. Anderson notes. “We can change our thought processes, and we can change our behaviors.”

Stay in the present: As we face the possibility of more disruption, Dr. Anderson recalls the advice he gave to stressed-out families early in the pandemic: the best antidote to worrying about the future is to focus on what’s right in front of us right now. It’s a basic mindfulness skill: try to be in the present, not the past or the future. Instead of spinning out worst-case scenarios (“I can’t handle my kid being home from school again!”) or getting frustrated that you can’t plan effectively (Will we be able to have a big birthday party?), try to connect with what you can see and hear around you. As Dr. Anderson says, “How can you bring yourself back into the little burbles that your baby is making? The funny story your teenager is telling?”

Focus on coping thoughts: With a complex challenge like the pandemic, it rarely works to try to outthink it, to maneuver around all the unknowables and get control of it. Better to focus, Dr. Anderson says, on what psychologists call “coping thoughts” — thoughts that make you more comfortable with uncertainty or inspire your most flexible self. For instance: “I’ve gotten through things like this before, and I’m strong enough to do so again.” “I have family and friends to support me through this stress. Who should I check in with?” Or “I’m just going to focus on today. What’s on the list just for today?”

And coping behaviors: Coping behaviors are things you can to do soothe yourself in a stressful situation or boost your mood. Those could be self-care practices like a fresh air break, music, exercise, calling a friend, a show that makes you laugh. Or they could be jumping into an activity that fully engages you. Early in the pandemic many people reported finding activities that made them feel positive, from cooking to learning a skill to organizing closets (not everyone’s idea of fun, but Lena Dunham’s go-to mood booster).

Practice distress tolerance: “One of the toughest things about really intense emotions is the sense that this feeling is going to last forever, that there is no escape,” notes Dr. Anderson. “But it’s not true. We know that most emotions evolve and change and lessen over time.” Once you realize that, it’s easier to acknowledge that you are in pain right now, but you can ride it out, and it will diminish. “It can help to use some of those coping behaviors like reaching out to a friend or soothing sensory experiences,” he adds.

Ration alarming news: When the news is awash with disturbing pandemic predictions and possibilities, it may help to limit your exposure to it. “Most people have difficulty resisting the next really clickbait doomsday headline,” Dr. Anderson says. But it can help your mood to resist. One strategy is to look for news and information on the positive side. Another is to put a timer on your news consumption. Dr. Anderson sticks to a diet of 15 minutes of news apps in the morning and watching evening news shows. Beyond that, he says, “there’s a point of diminishing returns — the stories aren’t adding to my level of being informed but they’re adding to my difficult emotions.”

Focus on what’s better this time: Instead of thinking about how the new variant could take us back to March 2020, remind yourself of the breakthroughs that have made us better equipped to handle the virus. We haven’t been able to “beat” it but we understand much better how the virus works, hence what’s risky (airborne transmission indoors) and what’s not (infection from boxes of groceries). We have not only vaccines that dramatically reduce risk of serious illness and death, but also medicines that can be taken after infection. We have at-home tests that should (especially when they’re less expensive) lower the risk of family gatherings.

Focus on what worked before: While it’s distressing to be reminded of the worst of what we’ve been through, it’s helpful to think about the things that worked to get us through the toughest moments last time. Was it making scones? Taking walks? A hot bath? Watching funny YouTube videos?

Assess risk and take appropriate steps: One of the most challenging things about uncertainty is making decisions when you don’t have enough information. Is that big Christmas dinner a bad idea, given Omicron? Should we keep the kids away from the grandparents — again? Different families have different vulnerabilities, so decisions can vary widely. To keep worry and risk assessment from taking over EVERY moment, Dr. Anderson suggests taking an inventory of your family’s risks and deciding whether you want to adjust your activities in the near future. Then stick by your decision and move on. You can make more adjustments when the situation changes.

Seek help if you need it: It’s important to keep in mind that the impact of the pandemic has been anything but uniform. For some the lockdowns and disruptions have been challenging but manageable. For many, especially those with small children, it’s been intensely stressful. And for those who lost family members — as well as, in many cases, jobs, homes, schooling, financial stability and food security — the pandemic has been traumatic. Mental health suffered, in both adults and children. Learning suffered. And for many, it’s not over. Even if you feel you’ve survived the worst, a new spike could reactivate emotional stress, Dr. Anderson notes. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, support from a mental health professional can be crucial for a healthy recovery.

As we near closer to Spring, this is a perfect time to reflect on our positive and impactful choices and set the tone and focus on our future goals. I hope you can consider adding positive mental health goals for your family. Reflect on changes you'd like to see happen and set realistic goals.

Here a few suggestions:

Create a sense of Belonging: Feeling connected and welcomed is essential to children's positive adjustment, self-identification, and sense of trust in others and themselves. Building strong, positive relationships among students, school staff, and parents is important to promoting mental wellness.

Promote Resiliency: Adversity is a natural part of life and being resilient is important to overcoming challans and good mental health. Connectedness, competency, helping others, and successfully facing difficult situations can foster resilience. Share your own age-appropriate examples with your kids.

Develop Competencies: Children need to know that they can overcome challenges and accomplish goals through their actions. Achieving academic success and developing individual talents and interests helps children feel competent and more able to deal with stress positively. Social competency is also important. Having friends and staying connected to friends and loved ones can enhance mental wellness. Encourage play dates with peers and neighbors. Please reach out to your child's teacher and school counselor with any questions.

Teach and Reinforce Positive Behaviors and Decision Making: Provide consistent expectations and support. Teaching children social skills, problem solving, and conflict resolution supports good mental health. "Catch" them being successful. Positive feedback validates and reinforces behaviors or accomplishments that are valued by others.

Encourage Helping Others: Children need to know that they can make a difference. Pro-social behaviors build self-esteem, foster connectedness, reinforce personal responsibility, and present opportunities for positive recognition. Helping others and getting involved in reinforces being part of the community.

Encourage Good Physical Health: Good physical health supports good mental health. Healthy eating habits, regular exercise and adequate sleep protect kids against the stress of tough situations. Regular exercise also decreases negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, and depression.

By B. O'Donnell and adapted from National Association of School Psychologists. (2017). Supporting children’s mental health: Tips for parents and educators Bethesda, MD: Author.